Tightening Workshop 1 is OPEN for 19 more examples. Comment on this paragraph with your Story Title, Chapter __ (number not name), : , Your (non-dialogue) sentence needing tightening. , Fix 1: , Your fix for your own sentence.
When I pick your example to replace one of my placeholders, Replies to your Example (Ex: 2, etc.) by other writers should begin with Fix 2 or Fix 3, etc. Once a Fix 2 reply is included in Grammar Tools with its author, new replies should begin with Fix 3, etc. up to Fix 5.
By commenting with a sentence or a fix, you are consenting to your sentences, handles, book titles, and fixes becoming part of Grammar Tools temporarily or permanently. Multiple Fix 2 replies by multiple writers are encouraged. I will erase, re-number, re-arrange, or include comments and replies as I think will improve this chapter for future readers. After Workshop 1 is CLOSED, we can all continue the discussion in T-Workshop 1 Thoughts until I open Tightening Workshop 2 for 20 more sentences needing tightening.
Ex: 1 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 2 RichardPDX, Shy, Chapter 3 - Jim's boss gets a body: "...that my news feed carried the story of him being pushed from the Vista Bridge." Fix 1: RichardPDX, "...that a news feed said he'd been pushed from the Vista Bridge." Fix 2: RichardPDX, "...that my news feed said he'd been pushed from the Vista Bridge."
Ex: 3 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 4 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 5 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 6 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 7 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 8 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 9 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 10 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 11 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 12 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 13 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 14 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 15 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 16 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 17 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 18 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 19 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
Ex: 20 RichardPDX, Wasted in Waldport, Chapter 14: We went away from the bar and down a few steps to a table against the front wall directly under a stuffed deer head. Fix 1: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, steering to a table under a stuffed deer head. Fix 2: RichardPDX, We avoided the bar, descending a few steps to a table under a stuffed deer head.
