Plant New Seeds | H.S.| AU

It's Been a While

My loves.

It's been a minute. A long minute. More like an hour, actually. I've been away from Wattpad for a while and I'd like a chance to talk to y'all for a little bit before you read the new updates.

The following chapters mean a lot to me. Not because of what I wrote—just simply because I actually (finally) finished them. These months of my life in the time since I last updated have been a whirlwind. So many different changes, events, and growing pains.

I turned 21, started working my first job, got to be on MTV, saw Harry three times (one being Harryween night 2)...lots of cool shit.

But with everything good that comes in life, the bad isn't too far behind it.

What I will say is—depression is no fucking joke. It consumes you before you even have a chance to comprehend that it's happening. It becomes the only thing that you are, and it feels like all you'll ever be.

My depression and anxiety has been a lifelong battle I've been fighting and I fucking hate the fact that it affected the one thing that distracted me from it all, once upon a time.

And these chapters are a testament to my power to fight through it all. It took me literally months to find the inspiration and drive to keep on writing. There were some days where I had the creative power to write 1000+ words and others where I could only find about 200.

Self doubt is even scarier than the depression at times. The fact that you can thoroughly convince yourself that everything you do, say, wear, create, and put out into the world is unworthy of adoration—it's insane. I hated everything I wrote. I hated who I was when I looked in the mirror. I hated not knowing where the fuck my life is going. And I still do, honestly.

The one thing that inspired me, despite everything, was seeing all your tweets, posts, and comments every single day. It's literally been about 7 months since I've updated and y'all have never given up on me. Even when I gave up on myself. And I love you all so much.

Even if I've probably completely lost my audience and only have 3 of you still reading, it means more to me than you'll ever know. It's not just a fanfic to me. Wattpad—as both a long-time reader/commenter and now a writer—has been my safe place. And having you all there to make me feel safe means more to me than the number of comments and reads I gain, or lose.

I'm so so sorry it took me this long to continue on with this story. I'm still trying every day to fall in love with Nia and Harry all over again so that I can finish this story out strong in the way they (and you all) deserve. I'm sorry that I even let my depression get this bad. And I'm especially sorry that I couldn't deliver all those times I said I would.

It's a struggle every single day. But I'm excited to do the work and get back to a good place. And the only way I know how to do that is to actually keep on trying. Which also means—I'm gonna try to be as consistent with the updates as possible. I know I've said that before in the past but as a promise to y'all and to myself: I'll try my very hardest.

The rest of the story that I have planned out (especially the ending) deserves to be carried out. It contains a message that I needed to be reminded of at the time that I started in April 2020 and even now.

I hope you all choose to continue learning alongside me as I write your story for you. Thank you for loving Nia and PNS Harry, also known as extension of my heart and brain in literary form. Your love for them has meant more to me than you can ever know.

So: go back and re-read if necessary. Remind yourselves of everything we've learned together thus far. And then:

Enjoy these two new chapters, my darlings. They've been waiting for you.

Love always,

Indy, the founder of the Book Club