touch me - larry stylinson

prologue

First day of school. Another day spent hiding behind lockers and desks, another day spent with me being bullied because of my f*cking sexuality and about my favourite band.

Yeah, it's not that easy to obsess over the band One Direction which basically is composed from 4 boys. I'm being called a faggot, a freak, a deluded freak and stuff. It's going to a point where you just can't cope with everything.

I know I'm weird. I know I have a lot of problems. And I know I deserve their hate.

I walk through the school's hallway and I feel everybody's eyes on me again. Is my fault that I am who I am? Someone is laughing behind me, calling me a faggot again. "Who fucking wears flower crowns? Not even 7-year-old girls do this sh*t!". Everybody is laughing and making jokes about my appeareance, but I just put my headphones in my ears, music blasting through them. My favourite's band voices fill my head and make my forget about my problems, that's why I love them that much. Basically they make my life at school easier, at least when we are on breaks.

I sit on my bed, sighing. Another day slipped and I am alive. I am thankful for this as I swallow my pills. I go to my computer and log in Tumblr, just to see what my boys were doing today. As I open my dashboard, my vision is filled with pics with a very tanned and shirtless Louis Tomlinson who just looks like he got off Heaven. His fringe is falling on his forehead, making him cute but hot at the same time. His blue eyes sparkle, and I can't help but smile when I see his beautiful eyes go in crinkles when he smiles while playing some football with Niall.

I shook my head as I tell myself once again how foolishly stupid I am to think I'm going to be Louis' boyfriend. To think that he is going to save me from this shitty world. Hell no, he can't do anything but make me enjoy his music and very very very beautiful curves (like who doesn't want to have an arse like his?). I am never going to meet him, let alone being his boyfriend. I am never going to touch or see his wonderful face or to hear his high voice in person and I'm used to it. I'm used to my life being messed up and I'm used to sadness. It's not like Louis Tomlinson is gay. He hooks up with a lot of girls and for a year or so he got himself a good piece of girlfriend - Eleanor Calder - who just is (nothing personal) a total b*tch. I can't stand her obsession over Starbucks and how she fake smiles around him and the way she puts her hand around his tiny curved waist and I just want to slap her hand away but I will be told I'm crazy more than I'm being called right now, if they see me slapping a phone's screen.

I saved some of the photos in my computer - just in case - and went to sleep. Don't judge me, but being bullied is pretty tiring.

The first thing I do in the morning is to take my pills. One, two, three, four just in case, and I'm ready for breakfast. After my morning routine and a quick kiss to my mum's cheek I start walking home, but not before stopping at my favourite cafe to pick my hot chocolate with extra whip cream.

I sit down at my usual place until the waitress come to me. Now the thing is everyone is taken away by my appeareance. Not every day you see a boy with a flower crown, but who cares? That's who I am. (who am i even joking, I am the one who cares a lot.)

I smile shyly at her and she does the same. She seems so soft and nice and when she asks me what I want to order I feel like if I were straight, I would be flirting with her for sure. But I am gay and unfortunately in love with Louis Tomlinson. Hah, good joke. This is not love. Is just a fanboy crush.

She gives me my hot chocolate and I thank her with a smile plastered on my face. I really like this place, it's quiet and I have never been judged here even if glares were sent to me.

Maybe people always tell themselves they need friends, someone who they can talk to. But I'm not like that. I don't have any friends. I don't have one and I'm dead serious. I just talk with them about school stuff and it's not even like they care about me. I'm just their little "weird little cute flower crown gay" or "worthless faggot". There's no difference between, just that one seems nicer but in reality it's just to make fun of the way I look and dress.

So I don't care when teachers are picking up parteners for this project about society and stuff like that, but I didn't pay attention. I don't care who my partener is, I'm just going to tell him to keep calm because I'm doing all the work. I don't want people around me because it never turns out good. I always end up hurt. Of course he is happy. Of course Nick (I think that's his name) wants to hug me for doing such a favor to him but then he looks up and see the flower crown and my hair and just my girly face and he looks like he just ate a dead cat. And I know that he is frozen and terrified because "who the hell wears flower crowns?". And I do. So I leave him, knowing all he wants to say and it's embarassed to say, and yeah, I'm leaving because this is what I did all my life. I know people are disgusted by me. And that's okay, I'm disgusted by me too.

so please guys if you read this, leave me your opinions. i really have some ideas with this book but it's just the beggining and a little introduction. so if you like what you read, please tell me in comments below and make me know your opinion. i would love this. thank you for reading, and if you guys will like it im going to post the first chapter soon. ilysm.