touch me - larry stylinson

chapter 3

LOUIS

no no no no

everything is going wrong

i cant let this happen i cant

knock knock

i bet this is eleanor. i said "come in". i was right. i sigh.

"louis, i came here because i want to talk about something serious with you."

her voice seemed serious too. now i was scared.

"go ahead" i told her in a rude tone, because really i didnt like her presence now. not at all.

"i will go straight on the subject, unlike you." she winked and i felt my cheeks red "what's been happening with you lately? you barely talked with me and if you did, you were bored or rude. i can't get it."

"eleanor..." i tried to say something but i couldn't because she was right. everybody could see a change in me and it was pissing me off. i dont want to change. i am the same.

"no, louis. listen. you know i am here for you no matter what. that besides i am your girlfriend" i sighed "i am first of all your friend, your supporter. you can tell me anything, i wont judge you, i will help you."

i stayed silent because i dont have anything to say to her. hell, i dont know whats up with me too. shut up, louis, you know it too well.

ugh, if only this voices weren't here.

"louis... are you gay?" i stood up immediately. "dont get me wrong, you always seemed a bit... different from the other guys ive been with, but it only made me to love you harder." i closed my eyes, not wanting to hear the rest "but in time, i learned that this kind of different can mean something else. you dont seem interested in me at all lately... or, a better question, have you ever been interested in me at all?"

i was so angry. how could she think this? she is... right, louis, she is f*cking right and you know it.

"oh god just shut up!" this was meant for both eleanor and the voice inside my head. "i'm not gay" i started pacing in the room.

"im not gay. im not freaking gay. i am not gay. you hear me, eleanor? me no gay. its clear."

"sure it doesnt seem like this! louis you can tell me the truth, its ok, i understand and its the best for you, i want you to be happy."

"no you dont! nobody wants me to be happy! its all your fault! just yours" i was so angry at this moment, i felt like im gonna die.

"i am in fact straight!" i tried to make my voice deeper and rougher just to seem more accurate "i like girls. i like vaginas. i like to f*ck vaginas not freaking boys' assholes! and its not like i searched about gay sex! i am straight!" i was completely screaming, trying to convince myself.

but i was so wrong and i was lying lying lying. i wont admit it. its all his fault. their fault. her fault.

"louis, please, listen to me... its so obvious, we wont judge you..."

"go away" i whispered.

"louis... its not going to help, talk with me, with the boys..." she was clearly trying to be friendly and helping me but really it was a pain in the ass.

"i said go away, eleanor, leave me the fuck alone!" i shouted at her. she looked at me sadly and left me alone, to my relief.

i was scared and angry and confused.

you know she is right. you are gay, louis tomlinson.

i know this. i know i am gay. i cant look at eleanor the same way i look at some certain boys or boy here. i couldnt feel pleasure hooking up with all of these girls. they were just to feed this lie. that i am not gay.

but i cant admit it. i cant admit it in front of everyone. people are going to be ashamed of me as i am now and they are going to judge me and bully me and everything.

maybe i knew a person who could help me. but really, a person with some problems going at a person who has a lot of problems too its not that easy.

so i found myself packing and leaving the hotel, going to the airport as the boys were screaming for me. i know i will have problems with the management, but i need to think. its their fault.

when i left the hotel i was mobbed by paps again.

"louis where are the boys" "how is eleanor" "when are the two of you going to marry" I almost throw up. "is she pregnant?" What.

"what the fuck? no no no, leave me alone."

and i climbed in the car , going to the airport. next destination: doncaster.

i needed a break for myself, to put my thoughts in order and to finally find myself. but instead of deleting my problems, i was creating more and more.

management is going to literally kill me. not because i left with two weeks before the start of the tour, but because i left without eleanor. this though made me smirk proudly, i finally made something against their rules.

i fell asleep, knowing i had to do one thing for sure and as fast as i can when i arrive home. i cant lose nobody.

when i got home, my mother was as happy as surprised to see me. she started to ask me a lot of things and i told her to keep calm. i was here to talk, i just needed my time.

my mother knew about this denial of mine with sexuality. she even told me she knew i was gay but i startes screaming and shouting at her too because being gay is such a shame for me i cant admit to be one.

"is it about our little problem again?" she asked with a sad smile.

"our little problem" was in fact my sexuality. she knows i cant love eleanor more than a good good friend, she also says that i am completely gay but i dont want to believe this part.

i nodded i agreement as i felt her standing up. "im going to make some yorkshire tea, take your time to think."

she also knows my favorite kind of tea. and that i need time to think. fuck she knows me too well.

i opened my phone and i saw over 20 new texts. i rolled my eyes as i started to think about everything. from the begining.

when i told my management that i might be gay, they were shocked and so angry. they told me not to joke around and to be serious because my career is the most important thing. i told them how i couldn't find a girlfriend because i can't be into them. i was so sure they would understand but they shouted at me and the next day i met eleanor. she was sweet, i liked her but not in that way. she was one of my closest friends and i tried. i fucking tried to be what everyone supposed i was and wanted me to be but i couldn't and now here i am.

my mum gave my tea and she took a place next to me on the sofa.

"louis, are you sure about everything? you know this is a messed up situation." she said softly. her voice was so familiar and warm to me. i felt safe finally.

"mum, i know. media will be going crazy because i left the tour now, without eleanor and i even snapped at a pap when he asked me whether eleanor was pregnant or not. i was so angry, i fucked everything, i hate my li-"

"no, louis, you are a wonderful person. you are just in denial and those assholes managers are not helping you as they should. they keep you in this circle and you can't escape, but try. we are here for you. find something who truly makes you happy and you will see it's going to be easier. be what you want yourself to be, darling." she kissed my cheek and stood up to take our cups in the kitchen.

i smirked to myself proudly as i made my decision. management are not going to stop me. this year is mine, i'm gonna show the world the best of louis tomlinson. i will be a mystery. for everyone. i will show them who i want to be, not who they want me to be. i always loved mysteries so today i decided to be one.

yeah so this chapter is from louis pov, it is short because i need to keep the tension, the next chapter will be uploaded soon. thank you so much guys for reading, please vote and let your opinion below in the comments section. ily all.