Switches & Spices

Chapter Thirty One

Villains better not fucking show up tonight to cause a mess... I was not in the mood.

Tamaki was so very gentle as he helped me dress, and I had no desire to resist his aid. I couldn't stop myself from zoning out as he took care of the zippers for me, worries for my Sis overwhelming me. I gave some more attention to Seb, carrying him in my arms as I glanced over my back-up cloaks, worrying at my lip; nibbling on the fresh, thin scar that gave continual jolts in sensitivity.

I hoped that it would break me out of my fretting, but it didn't do much. I couldn't feel her. Still. Even after showing up, getting that reassurance that I would come back and spend time with her, give her a nudge to take care of herself. Asking Eijirou to stay behind so that she wouldn't be dealing with it alone and fall into shock still made a subtle twinge of guilt hit. Not like he'd allow her to be alone, he didn't seem the type, even if I hadn't asked... Ugh, my brain just wouldn't stop. Let alone me asking for help on either of our behalf that I was still adjusting to, I wasn't used to being right next to her and not feel her presence. Not unless...

Oh. Yeah. Unless I was the one blocking her out.

Sure, she had been playfully annoyed with me before and slammed that connection closed, but it would relent a moment later – I was always able to tell. I didn't think it was intentional, but it still messed with me.

So damn selfish. Damn, this was fucking hard. Still time to change, right?

"Moonlight, where are your thoughts at? Are you still with me?" Tamaki's voice was so very tender and quiet, though it still snapped me out of my troubled thoughts. I let out a heavy sigh, forcing myself to shake my head clear, gently dropping Seb back onto the bed, smiling a little as he curled up into his standard judgmental loaf form. Snatching the nearest cloak off its hook and wrapping it around my shoulders, my wings raised once I clasped it at my throat.

"I-I'm here now, sorry. Know I'm cutting it really close, just... Worried how I can't feel her, Butterfly. Realizing how I took the connection for granted when she's in range. Reminding me of how selfish I've been, on top of my worry and discomfort at asking for help. Not the best of thoughts, but it's honest." I turned to face him, giving a tiny smile to his empathetic one, eyes closing as he cupped my cheeks, hands pressing to the back of his as he kissed me softly. The gentlest of ones, though it brought a deep comfort.

"Honesty is good, Moonlight... Do you wish to stay with Mana and Eijirou? We have patrolled with two on Festival nights before, Fat Gum would understand." Offering that again? It wasn't fair at all. I was starting to hate hearing that offer. It made me want to snap again, but I resisted. My eyes opened, and I frowned at him, not finding any judgment or anything of the sort on his features. Worried, concern... But not any flicker of any kind of negativity toward anything else. I brushed my forehead against his, before gently pulling his hands down from my cheeks, squeezing them.

"I do. I really do, Tama. But, Sis didn't ask for me to stay – she encouraged me to go. Called me amazing, said she's proud of me... I'll be okay to go. I just wish I felt I deserved being called those things, you know? Im... Imposter Syndrome, Ma called it. Have to try to stop doubting so much, it's just difficult. Worse now with caring, and... Things that've happened." I huffed in annoyance at myself, seeing his eyes gentle even more, thumbs rubbing at the backs of my hands.

"Hana and Iris have truly touched your heart, haven't they? Such wonderful mothers, a-accept everyone, no matter how withdrawn they are. Reinforce you're strong, even if it's something as simple as getting out of bed in the morning. I miss them, and I'm looking forward to our next visit. They helped me find comfort after my mother passed – helped me find a healthy way to mourn, on top of feeling cared for, like I still had one. Two, rather... I called them to speak of you, Moonlight. I knew they'd adore you." His soft, sad little smile, joined with his words, made me freeze. Mother...? I blinked rapidly, brows furrowing, that itching pressure of tears welling. He blinked at me in alarmed confusion as I pulled my hands back, swallowing hard at the lump that formed in my throat.