Switches & Spices

Chapter Twenty Four

TW: Lemonade, Sexual Abuse, Hint of CNC, Blood

"Sounds good, Dad Gum. You make the best ones."

Walking was absolute torture. The interaction and halt at the plateau with CommBitch had erased any numbing that Tamaki had given me, and the faint pain from how aroused I was on top of the deep ache almost made me feel as if I had earlier with that block, beyond backed up. It got to the point I attempted to ease myself in the bathroom, though fell into the familiar issue from before. I'd... Have to rely on their help. I couldn't make myself. It wasn't fair, dammit.

I know they care, but that professing of love... The thought it might not be real on my end. That was eating at me the whole time Fat Gum and I walked his and Tamaki's standard route. He tried his best to cheer me up, making sure I grabbed plenty of Takoyaki off his mobile tray, cracking tiny jokes that made me chuckle a little. A multitude of dad jokes in his arsenal, he was definitely taking the slip of his name seriously.

The quiet surrounding us as we followed along the alleys to scan for any ill activities an hour later, he turned and grabbed me up in a hug, quietly apologizing to me. So much has happened in such a short time, he felt somewhat responsible, didn't think he was a very good 'Dad Gum' for being unable to help me. It stunned me slightly that he took it to heart like that. Such a soft, tender-hearted man... I almost released more tears.

Way too good for- Shut up me, fuck... I had to stop that. No more, don't let her win. It was so goddamn hard to fight the urges.

I gave him the biggest hug I could back, wings and all, reminding him that things happen sometimes, and that he was doing amazing. That he was supportive of me. That in itself was more than I had been used to merely a week ago, more than leaning on only Mana and Keigo's support.

A quiet admittance given that maybe here I could have an actual family with everyone, something I didn't have for years... That I never really had, admittedly. Even before the Commission, it was just me and grandmother at home when she was there, and some visits from Tamaki and Mirio now and then. Of course, cue the water works for the big guy. Not like I had to Quirk any of my own away or anything, that'd be silly. Okay, I had to hide a few.

It was certainly too early to think about anything like that for me, especially with the disruption in my heart, but if I could lie to myself and hope, it would help me carry on. I was still going to fight to stay alive, not give into the Commission's desires to keep me trapped in a hopeless state. There was hope, it just... Got a little swallowed up by despair tonight. It would pass. It had to. I didn't want to stay this way. I wanted that blissful warmth I had been consumed with last night back.

I felt a little better after the embrace, a bit more of the good chemicals chasing away some of the negative thoughts. I forced myself to keep walking past the throbbing ache, telling myself it was only a few more hours to go, that another hour after that and I would be home.

Where Mana wasn't waiting for me with a smile, hug, and a warm cup of tea. Gods, talk about selfish. I felt a little lonely at the prospect, even with the possibility of the guys coming back with me. No, they were coming back with me... Right? I wouldn't be alone? I mean, Seb was always there, but it wasn't human contact. Human presence. But what if Eijiro heard what happened and wanted space, Tamaki as well? I shivered at the faint chill the suit couldn't warm.

My eyes ached all over again at the idea of needing to have someone with me. A juggle between codependency and taking advantage, along with how I should be stronger than that, not require someone nearby. I didn't want to be alone. Even when I shut myself away, I still leaned into being in their presence, keeping an eye out to make sure they were near. If they were near, that was enough to keep me sane. That hadn't been kind to them either. I had apologized, and grew closer, yet it still didn't feel like it was enough. The party had been a well-taken, enjoyable surprise, then the sexual bonding last night.