FINDING US (BEFORE THE BEGINING)

CHAPTER 6

LAYLA

I'm walking on the concrete sidewalk making my way towards the familiar building I visit once a week. It's a nice august morning with the trees ruffling from the oncoming fall weather. Once I come face to face with the large glass door of the palm street psychiatric clinic, I open the heavy door and walk to the front office to sign in.

"Hey nancy how are you doing today," I say as I wave to the front lady

"Hey, Layla," she says monotone typing with her eyes peeking above glasses and staring at the computer screen. She looks over to me and hands me a clipboard "Here's the sign-in sheet, after you're finished you can head straight up. She's waiting for you." I nod as I fill out the sheet.

"Thanks, nance" I wave bye to her and walk up the stairs.

"Sure"

I make my way toward Candice's office and knock on the blue-painted door. The door opens and Candice pulls me into a hug.

"Hey, Layla, It's nice to see you," she says as she pulls away and walks over to her desk and pulls out my folder from her filing cabinet, and then makes her way from her desk and walks to her yellow chair in the middle of the room and I make my way to the blue couch across from her.

"So, how are you doing today Layla?" I haven't thought about how I was doing today. I was just worried about making it on time today because I woke up late and snoozed my alarm. I don't even know how many times. I honestly didn't feel like getting up today I just wanted to lay in my bed and escape from the world and read about other people's lives because mine sucks right now

"I'm doing ok I guess" I shrug

"ok, give me a breakdown of your week since the last session," she says as she crosses her legs and brings out a pen and notepad.

"Well on Saturday I went to the ice cream shop Saturday to visit uncle tony and I got to try a new ice cream flavor but it wasn't good so I just got plain vanilla" I look up at her and she nods and smiles trying to signal for me to keep going "um... and on Sunday I stayed at home all day, slept, read, and ate leftovers my neighbor gave me. On... I mean Monday through Thursday and earlier today I worked at the restaurant. Specifically, on Wednesday went to the beach because my apartment was too quiet and my brain started thinking too much so I went to read with background noise. 

"It's good that you're getting out, Layla. We've made so much progress since our first session. I'm so proud of you!" anytime she says she's proud of me it makes me feel so giddy and happy. "Ok so now tell me what you're looking forward to this week" there she goes smiling again how does she find a way to always smile. I think that's where tiara and Benji get their cute and lovable smiles because when they smile you can't help but smile back.

"Um I actually don't know what I'm looking forward to I don't really plan stuff and I wouldn't consider work fun and I'm at my apartment is so lonely and I mostly just sleep and read random books" I knew I had a boring uneventful life but saying it out loud makes me cringe.

"Layla I feel like we've made enough progress in your journey that I think you're mentally stable enough to start implementing things to keep you busy like a new hobby or maybe get a companion to live with like a pet." I start to think about all the things I could do like playing tennis or maybe even paint but when I start to think about me actually doing these things I shake my head I suck at any type of sport and drawing and painting is not a skill I have "do you have anything in mind?"

"Well I've always wanted a turtle and I have always wanted to play an instrument but my parents didn't like pets and I guess I was too nervous to ask my dad about piano lesions or even buying a piano in the first place but I think it would still be fun know" she looks at me and nods