This translation has been done from the English copy.
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The Demon Scrolls tell of a warlock that will come to save our people, but I wouldn't rely too much on the scrolls. They also say that rabbits are the supreme beings and that the best cure for a sore throat is a poultice of dung and old socks. Hence, trust the Scrolls at your peril.
There are however a few basic tips for survival in a Demon tribe that might be helpful. If you were a human, say, and had never actually met a Demon, which is unlikely to say the least. If you were a human you wouldn't be able to read this in the first place. So, Demon survival tips.
First, never stab a Demon with his own sword. This is the ultimate insult and will result in a vendetta that could go on for generations. It is fine to stab a Demon with your sword; he will congratulate you for managing that, but only poor warriors lose their swords and get stabbed with them. If the opportunity arises give it a miss.
Second. Demons have a pretty comprehensive system of sign language in which buttock slapping features heavily. It is very important not to slap the wrong buttock. Never slap someone else's buttock unless they stab you with your own sword; that is considered very bad manners. And learn the difference between the left buttock slap and a right buttock slap. If a passerby aims his buttocks at you and slaps the left one it means that there is a full moon due that evening and he hopes you will join him for the traditional hunt. If he slaps the right buttock it simply means you remind him of his right buttock. You can see where the problems could arise.
Finally, never sneeze into your fist. Always allow the sneeze to run free into the air. Medical Demons assure us that the sneeze comprises millions of tiny flying Demons that zoom around the earth; under they can find a human to land on. When they alight on their host humans they hack into their scalps with tiny axes causing terrible headaches which make the humans easy to defeat in battle. So when a demon sneezes immediately slap your right buttock in the direction of the sneeze so that the tiny Demons can pass on the message to the human they land on.
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This one was actually really weird. Please comment and vote, next one coming soon!
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Artemis Fowl - Mini Stories
FanfictionThese mini stories are not mine, they have been translated from Gnommish from the bottom of the Artemis Fowl books. All characters and credits belong to Eoin Colfer. The cover page art is also not mine, it has been made by @af-answers on Tumblr. Bes...
