This translation has been done from the Irish/British version.
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There has never been a regulated scientific of dwarf's special abilities. What we know about them is based on folklore and hearsay. The most famous of these abilities is the dwarf tunnelling method by which they eat dirt and air before expelling them out the other end.
Though the actual force of this expulsion has never been measured, several witnesses have reported windows breaking more than twenty meters away. It is said that a master recycler can finetune his gas emissions so that instead of a widespread blast of flatulence, he shoots out a concentrated column of wind. Legend had it that one such master recycler, a certain Blurt Diggums, was so accurate with these columns that he could turn on a light switch from the other side of the room.
Dwarfs themselves use casual terms to refer to the strength of their gas emissions. A shirt flapper is a gentle emission that would barely inflate a child's balloon. A pants ripper is a sturdier blast and would certainly blow a hole in even the strongest materials. A nought to sixty is a right whapper and could accelerate whoever dropped it to dangerous speeds. A strap-yourself-down is about as strong as it gets and could help a dwarf achieve flight.
And finally, the legendary dark-side-of-the-moon or simply dark side. If released on a mountain top, it could put a dwarf into orbit. There is no evidence that a dark side is anything more than a myth. All the same, if you see a dwarf on a mountain with a red face, take cover. You can't be too careful around dwarf wind.
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Ahh...I'm going to assume we all enjoyed that very comprehensive and detailed study of dwarf flatulence. Next one coming soon!
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Artemis Fowl - Mini Stories
FanficThese mini stories are not mine, they have been translated from Gnommish from the bottom of the Artemis Fowl books. All characters and credits belong to Eoin Colfer. The cover page art is also not mine, it has been made by @af-answers on Tumblr. Bes...
