The Exilir And The Poison

Chapter 18: The Unroken Promises

But we loved with a love that was more than love ~ Annabelle Lee, Edgar Allan Poe

Thunder once again shook the house. Lightning illuminated the darkest corners of the mansion, simultaneously revealing Ishaani’s features, drenched in the rain water. Her saree clung to her skin, her hair sticking to her neck, some to her forehead. Her palms were closed in a tight fist that told Ranveer she wasn’t here for a friendly reunion he might have deceptively believed expected. He saw her move gracefully, her saree trailing down her at her feet like an obedient child. He gulped, realizing in that moment, he and Ishaani were alone in the hall. The loud thunder once again boomed in the skies, followed by a jagged fork of bright lightning striking down, not quite touching the earth. The smell of the damp earth became more prominent as rain fell harder, swallowing the sense of time and reality in its gigantic cradle. Everything else came to a staggering halt as though the gods and demons alike had gathered to watch the reunion of two lost lovers, yearning visible in their every move, every flock of the eyelashes, while the trembling lips exalted nothing but indifference.

It suddenly struck Ranveer that it was for the first time since Ishaani had been arrested that she came home. He looked at her more carefully, a wistful hope that perhaps she was thinking the same thing he did. Did she, too, think about the times they’d spent together in this house? Did she think about the childhood that now felt like a long lost memory, an incident happened in another world, still protected from the curse his life had become? Did she internally smile thinking about the happier times they’d spent together? How many times he’d thought of seeing Ishaani back, walking her the entire house, and try to remind her how simple their life was.

Did she feel the same or had she erased him from her memories, making place for the people she loved? Her parents, Baa, her cousins, and Chirag. Ranveer stiffened at Chirag’s thought, the darkest blot that kept growing bigger and bigger, now swallowing him completely. Chirag had been a mistake that Ranveer had committed and was still suffering from the consequences.

Ishaani was now standing in front of him, quivering, her erect body sharing an uncanny similarity to the ferocity in her eyes. Her machine-like movements barely resembled  the girl he’d once known, the girl he’d fallen in love with within these very walls. She was now entirely different from the woman he’d loved. Despite wanting to, he couldn’t find the Ishaani he loved.

The house held its breath, afraid, and quivering before its pebbles thundered down with brutal force. He wanted to move his fingers, touch her skin, feel the very memories that rushed through her blood. It would make it easier to understand what she wanted — an answer or his life?

“What’s wrong with you, Ranveer?” she spat.

He was startled. He furrowed his brows, pulled his arms to his chest, and pursed his lips. No amount of time and restraints could ever prepare him for the hatred she harboured for him. Her eyes either held indifference or blatant hate for him. Both were gruesome in their own ways. When was he going to be used to them?

“I’ll need more than that. What do you want?” Ranveer wanted to sound casual, pretend that her words wreaked no havoc within him.

“So, you’re going to pretend you don’t know anything?”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Now that you can’t do anything to ruin my life, my marriage, you’ve chosen to go after my family! How low can you go?”

Ranveer huffed. “If this is why you’re here, you can go.”

“I’m here for Devarsh. You have absolutely no right to hurt my family.”

“Your family?” Ranveer laughed, a mocking laugh that momentarily silenced Ishaani. The same family that hurt her.. Did Ishaani really care about those people so much?

“I know we aren’t doing that well. But we’re trying. And Devarsh’s been trying his best to make ends meet. He loves Krisha and he’s trying to change for her.”

Ranveer scoffed. “Devarsh doesn’t love anyone. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love his family. And he most definitely doesn’t love Krisha.”

“What do you know about love?”

Ranveer glared at her. Words froze in his throat, turned into stones, his eyes suddenly taking time to adjusting to the sudden darkness that came with her words. “You’re asking me that question?” he said, keeping his voice in check as best as he could. “Are you really sure you came here for this?” He couldn’t keep the touch of burning agony out of his words, the brief display of pain that was bound to happen at this assault.

Ishaani turned away from him, her back facing him.

“Yeah, this is what you’re good at doing. The moment it comes down to facing your problems, you choose to run away,” he continued.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I have no feeling for you? Don’t you still get it? I’m marrying someone else.”

“I understand that,” Ranveer said, his voice low, struggling, but in control of himself. “You don’t have to repeat the same thing you’ve been telling me for months. Maybe, Ishaani, I don’t understand what love is. But I do understand what betrayal in love feels like. How being betrayed feels like. You can make a stranger fall in love with you, but how do you make an old friend fall in love with you who suddenly started hating you? I know this is going to haunt me my whole life.”

“Good, then stay away from me and my family.” Her voice was blank, the terrifying emptiness in her words that held more volume than the seven oceans combined.

Ranveer composed himself. He’d never let his vulnerable side show up before Ishaani since that day in the hospital. But the tiniest hope to get her back could still render him completely helpless in hands of this woman that carried knife only to stab him.

“You know that’s impossible,” he said, pulling himself back together. “I won’t let you destroy Shikhar’s life the way you destroyed mine.”

“Do what you want. You won’t be able to do anything.”

“You know very well to what extent I can go for my friends.. For the people I love,” he added as an afterthought. “I’ll be the force that stops you. I’m the hurdle between you and your preys.”

“Do what you want,” Ishaani said, unfettered. Or did he imagine the slight trembling of her lips? “Your empty threats aren’t going to stop me from living my life. You’ve destroyed it enough, RV, and I don’t want your shadow in it ever again.”

He hid a sigh well, covered it with a small cough, and looked away. He’d feared something terrible would happen; but there was nothing worse than what had already happened. She confirmed his fears. He threatened her with words he knew were empty, and she hadn’t been afraid of it. He was just a shadow, gradually waning as the world he lived in turned more and more shadowy.

Ishaani turned to leave and sneezed. In reflex, Ranveer rushed to her with a handful of tissue papers, offering them to her.

“No, thanks,” Ishaani spoke without looking back at him. “I’m fine.”

“If it was a stranger in your place, I’d have done the same.”


“I don’t need your help,” she said without looking back.

“Good. This is how I want to see you from now on,” Ranveer said, coming forward to face her. “I want you to suffer and have no one around to help you, to rescue you. You’re going to be alone from now on. Get used to it.”

Ishaani began to walk again, but stopped at Ritika’a voice. “You can change your clothes. You might fall sick.”

“No, I’m fine,” Ishaani said with a small smile.

“Come on, Ishaani,” Ritika said again, “we used to be friends. I know a lot has changed between us and with Ranveer as my husband, it’s awkward—”

“No, Ritika, I’m fine,” Ishaani said.

“Ishaani, please. For old times’ sake?” Ritika gave her a warm smile.

Ishaani nodded and followed Ritika into his room. A surreal fear seized Ranveer, an inexplicable pain sizzling through him as cold knives began to jut out, stabbing him from inside. He paced in the hall, his heartbeats rapid. That wasn’t a place he wanted Ishaani to be. He felt ashamed, a prick on his conscience he couldn’t deny, as though he was making a mistake — he could feel grief building in his chest, almost similar to the one he always did whenever Ishaani was in pain; but he knew it was his wistful wish to see her affected by him instead of the actual truth. He waited for Ishaani to return, keeping his anxiety from taking a hold on him. When she did return, his breath was caught in his chest — she wore a green saree. He must have travelled back to the old times, fireflies trapped in the jars willing to fly away to their freedom. It was the same saree she wore on their first Karwa Chowth, a day marked solely for the love between a husband and his wife. The purest kind of affection. He’d foolishly believed her feelings for him were genuine. The intimacy of the moment, a small speck of light now forever cursed to be covered in impenetrable dark, that day was far too real for him to deny. Ishaani walked slowly, and he wondered if she thought of the same moments he did. Did she resent them? Did she want to wipe them out of her memories forever while he desperately tried to hold them together? Every single one of them. It was only a few months, but to him, these moments seemed to have happened several lifetimes ago. The gap between these months he had lived and yet hadn’t was too large, something he knew nothing would ever be able to fill.

Ranveer hid behind the pillar, barricading his thoughts from reaching out to the open space where his feelings weren’t respected, and watched Ishaani leave his house. His hand landed on the glass at the nightstand, tightened around it, and cracked without making the noise as Ishaani stepped her foot out of the threshold of the mansion. Storm had silenced now. The gods in the skies were quieter, less angry, throwing flashes of light occasionally, rendered ineffective by the time they reached earth.

Ishaani must have taken her car and was already on her way back home, to the people she loved.

Ritika came to stand next to Ranveer, silently.

“Why did you take her back to your room, Ritika?” he asked when he noticed he wasn’t alone anymore, and pulled his bleeding hand away from her sight.

“Because I wanted her to see how happy I am with you here. How hollow her life is.”

“That—” Ranveer breathed. “That wasn’t necessary.”

“I know. But I’m insecure, RV. I’m afraid that someday she’ll steal you away from me. And I’ll be left all alone.” Ritika sobbed, drawing herself away from him.

“You don’t have to be worried about that, Ritika.” Ranveer’s voice softened as realisation settled in. Wasn’t he the reason Ritika had been so insecure?

“I know,” Ritika said. “But every time she’s around it feels like I’m losing a part of you. You don’t care about anyone else the moment you look at her. How am I supposed to feel good about it, RV? Tell me.”

“Ritika —”

Ritika continued. “I know what I did was wrong. But I wanted her to see we’re happy together. That we share the same bed, even though it’s not true. I wanted her to know she can’t do anything about it even if she wanted to.”

Ranveer nodded his head slowly, more out of weariness than agreement. “I understand how you feel, Ritika. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to provide you with the comfort and security that you deserve. But I promise it’s over now. We’ll be married soon. Ishaani will be out of my life completely.” The words came out like icy slaps to him. The wall of denial he’d been mastering himself in was crumbling.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” Ritika said cheerfully. “And for our child to come in this world.”

Ranveer gulped. “Right.”