The Exilir And The Poison

Chapter 3: The Black Clouds

I'll tell you . . . what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter—as I did! ~ Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

*

It's dark here. And his head is full of unpleasant, painful thoughts floating aimlessly in the emptiness of his senses. It's not his room, he can tell. Then to whom does it belong? He tries to move but his limbs hurt, making it hard for him to get up. As he tries to look above him, his vision is blurred by the sudden onslaught of the light flooding in from the window. It's no longer dark and the silhouettes take shapes. There's the window on the side, letting in the sunlight through the net of the leaves.

"How are you feeling now?" a voice says.

It's a familiar voice but he can't recognize it. He takes a deep breath and contemplates. He can't figure out the owner of the voice yet. He sits bolt upright against the pillows, rubbing his eyes to clear his view. It's Nitin with a smile on his face.

"I hope you're feeling good?" His voice is laced with sarcasm but Ranveer doesn't say anything; not in a mood to say anything.

"I didn't want you here to taunt me," he says after some time.

"Whatever do you expect me to do, kid?" Nitin says, his words serious. "I thought you'd be doing better than I left you. But look at you."

Ranveer sighs and looks at his hands. There's a long silence between them that grows uncomfortable every passing moment. Ranveer knows he must ask Nitin how he has been and perhaps apologize for not seeing him in the past. Maybe he should offer him some sympathy. Maybe thank him. Maybe he should yell at the older man for saving his life; he'd better be dead. But at last, he can only close his eyes and then look away.

"What do you want for breakfast, Ranveer?"

Ranveer shrugs. "Anything you like. I'm not hungry."

Nitin shakes his head. He orders two sandwiches and two glasses of orange juice.

"You do need more rest." Nitin looks at Ranveer. But more than rest, he needs something else. Something more substantial, more permanent than the temporary solutions to his problems. He watches the younger man with a queer look on his face, his form weaker than he remembers in the past, and feels a pang of guilt striking him. Once Ishaani went to the jail, he had left RV's company and moved to his hometown. It was only a stroke of luck that brought him back to Mumbai and then Ranveer before everything went wrong. How he wishes things weren't so complicated. No one deserves to suffer at such young an age.

Nitin looks at Ranveer uncomfortably, wondering what would have happened had he been a little too late today. He had almost abandoned the idea of visiting Ranveer in the evening and wait for the morning. But it was something that urged him to go right away and see Ranveer. Nitin would be lying if he believed Ranveer did not terrify him at night. His doctors said he was better; that he was more social than before. But he really did not expect this. He felt anger towards people he hadn't even met. Most of all, he felt anger towards the Vaghela family who burdened their son with the absurd responsibilities when he needed a helping hand, kind words and assurances from them. Nitin wants to be more hopeful for the future. That something will good come out of this mess.

Breakfast arrives and Ranveer's throwing tantrums like a little child. Nitin has to scowl at him to calm him down and then shakes his head at the younger man's antics. They're sitting quietly until Ranveer says something that Nitin does not hear.