That Family - Episode One

Curtain Call

When Josh made it down to the landing of the basement, he was expecting a lot of things. He was not, however, prepared to see Leo, oddly draped over a table in the corner. Josh half expected he should be wrapped in nothing but a sheet, with a rose in his mouth.

"Josh, my, uh, man!" Leo chuckled nervously. "What are you doing here?"

"First off, not your man," Josh replied, glancing beyond Leo's skinny body. "Secondly, Cassie told me to get up and make sure you weren't dead,"

"And why did you?"

"She flipped the couch I was sitting in. Why do you have the cat strapped to a cutting board?"

Leo reluctantly gave up trying to hide Pig, letting Josh get a clear look at the feline being flattened to the table.

"I'd like to file a complaint with your boss," Pig grumbled in annoyance. "I don't approve of his methods,"

"You're talking to the wrong guy," Josh replied, then he turned to Leo. "What have you done,"

"It wasn't my fault!" Leo exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "I had Alice's intelligence chip on the table. I think he stepped on it, and when he started cleaning his ear, it entered his body,"

"And he's strapped to the table..."

"Because he wouldn't sit still for the X-ray,"

"And the X-ray said..."

"I programmed Alive to be able to run on any accessible source of electricity. From AC to DC, to Solar. Hell, she could probably run on static electricity if she had enough of it," Leo explained nervously. "And the way someone moves is because of electrical currents in their body, that communicate with their brains... It seems that the chip has somehow accessed the currents of energy in Pig's brain, and is using it as a power source," he pointed at the cat. "If you notice, Pig looks to be completely content as he is,"

"How about we strap you down here," Pig snapped, with his head tied to the table. "Then we'll see who's content,"

"His ears aren't flat, his hair's not on end, even his tail isn't wiggling," Leo pressed on. "I think the chip is in Pig's brain and is using energy from a specific part of the mind to power itself,"

"In other words," Josh said, slowly grasping the concept "You programmed the cat to talk,"

"More than just talk," he confessed sadly. "This hunk of fur might just be the smartest living creature humanity has ever seen,"

"Wait. Another person to complain when people steal the only warm spot on the couch? Dad's gonna kill you,"

Leo groaned.

"Have you thought about trying to fish it back out?" Josh asked, peering into the cat's ear as if he was expecting to stare directly into the surface of its brain.

"Right!" Leo exclaimed sarcastically "How come I didn't think of that? It's not like it's brain surgery or anything. Oh wait... that's literally what it is!"

"Maybe you could just stick a magnet in his ear," Josh suggested.

"I'll show you where you can stick a magnet!" Pig snapped.

Josh glanced at Leo, who was busy banging his head against Alice's core and shook his head. "What are the odds of this?" He chuckled.

"One in about 34.875 trillion," Leo groaned. "Luck never really thought of me as the best companion,"

***

Jakob and Mom stepped out of the room, and into the hall. Martha smiled at them. "Have a good time?"