A Big Book of Comfort

kiyotaka ishimaru

-Reader who has a hard time talking about things-

You felt alone. Whenever you tried to speak up about your feelings to certain people, you'd get loud by accident when you started talking about stuff that would get on your nerves. It'd always result in either them telling you to be quiet, and you'd just automatically shut up, or they'd run away from you.

You were scared to talk about it to your boyfriend, even. Who's to say he wouldn't react the same way? He was sort of sensitive.

So you had just decided to not talk about it to him.

But he wasn't blind, he would notice everytime you lied about being okay, or whenever you had a fake smile on your face.

He was concerned for you, but at the same time he didn't want to force you to talk about anything to him.

But all hell broke loose towards you in a matter of seconds.

You teacher had assigned you a test today, but you had no idea what anything meant that were on the pages.

You where going to fail. Everyone was going to dump you for not being prepared, weren't they?

You couldn't handle it, simply running out of the room as your breathing sped up.

You didn't know what to do. Was your whole life going to fall apart? What if Taka scolded you on this? You were humiliated and ashamed of yourself as you started crying.

This is what you always did. You always overwhelmed yourself to the point of tears but it always went unnoticed.

A few seconds later, you heard the classroom door open, but you couldn't bother to look up to see who it was. It was probably just someone wanting to make fun of you for your sudden outburst of emotions.

“[Name]!”

But..it wasn't. You were dreading this moment for quite some time now, when Kiyotaka would find you like this, a complete disaster.

“Please don't..scold me..”

He looked heartbroken as he pulled you into his embrace.

You wanted to cry harder the moment he did that, but the voice in the back of your mind demanded for you to keep it together.

...

A few minutes has passed, neither of you had said a word.

Suddenly, he pulled away from you to be able to look at you.

“Do you wanna talk about it? Bottling up your emotions isn't good for you!”

“I..have a hard time talking about things. I get sort of..loud if I start talking about something that annoys me. And it had always resulted in me being told to be quieter, to the point where I'd shut up entirely, or they'd just run away. And knowing you, you can be a bit..sensitive at times..so I just bottled it up.”

You were expecting to be scolded, but he pulled you into a hug again instead.

“Don't be afraid to let your emotions out to me, please. Nobody should deserve to suffer in silence!”

His words touched your heart for some reason, you loved him even more in that moment.

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-Reader who breaks down at yelling-

You knew Kiyotaka, he wasn't exactly quiet at all. Constantly scolding people, and in general he just didn't keep his voice down.

Which would've been fine..if you weren't sensitive to yelling. You had been yelled at since you were little for not being perfect it always seemed. It would break you.

So you tried to just..avoid him when he was scolding people.

But it never worked. You'd always end up breaking some sort of rule without even being aware of it.

And this time, it was running in the halls. You were late, and weren't thinking properly.

“[Full Name]!”

You had really f!cked up this time.. hadn't you? He started scolding you right on the spot.

You tried to hold back your tears, but gradually he just seemed to get louder, which reminded you of your past.

So you just..broke down like you always did. Curling up into a ball, with your arms over your head, as tears were already pouring down your face.

Had he said something wrong without realizing it?

He knelt down in front of you, till you eventually looked at him.

“Did I say something wrong..?” he looked at you, confused

“No..it's not that..”

You took a minute to catch your breath from crying.

“I'm..sensitive to yelling, ever since a young age I was practically forced to be perfect. And when I wasn't, I got scolded and sometimes..well, it'd turn into yelling.”

What? He could hardly believed what he was hearing. Why hadn't you told him sooner? He instantly felt bad for all the times he had raised his voice either at you, or around you, scolding others.

Since he didn't say anything back, all you did was just lean forward to where your head was on his shoulder.

It was a comforting moment to you, relieved from the pressure you're family had given you every single day..maybe telling Kiyotaka about this wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it'd be.