The Writer's Heart

9

GINA SAT in her office with her face in the palms of her hands. She couldn't breathe, or look up into her wife's eyes, "you can't be that surprised," Marilyn inhaled a deep breath. She'd visited Gina for them to have a serious talk, which turned into an emotional one.

"I just..." Gina finally looked up, and met those compassionate eyes.

"I love you, Gina. You know that, right?" Marilyn hated what she was doing. She didn't want it to be that way.

"I do," Gina wiped her eyes.

"Do you love me?" Marilyn asked. Marilyn watched Gina's face freeze. She wasn't sure if it was surprise or realization.

Gina swallowed, "of course, I do."

Marilyn clasped her hands on her lap, "are you sure?"

They both knew why that question held a lot of uncertainty. Gina was to blame for that, "why do you always do this? I love you, Marilyn. If I didn't love you, why would I be married to you?"

Marilyn's jaw twitched, "I've never cheated on you, Gina. Not once."

Gina leaned back with a huff, "so you're going to bring that up? What about your little assistant?" Gina knew nothing was going on between them. If she even thought that in the slightest, she wouldn't have invited Jessie to the party.

"That's different."

Gina's jaw dropped, "different? Did you fuck her?" Gina wanted to slam her phone into a wall. She should've known better than to trust Jessie. Marilyn's eyes widened, and she shook her head.

"Gina, not everything is about sex."

Gina frowned. Her chest was burning. And she wanted to trash her own office, "you're in love with her, aren't you?" Gina asked.

Marilyn didn't want to answer. How would she answer? It was either yes or no, right? But her feelings weren't that black and white yet, "Jessie is irrelevant to this discussion."

Gina's fist clenched, and she tried to settle her breathing, "that's why you want a divorce, so you can dive into her panties? I bet she won't fuck a married woman, that's why."

Marilyn closed her eyes, and gritted her teeth. Gina was getting too loud, and provocative for her liking, "this coming from the woman who has fucked more interns than I can count, right?" Gina's voice became mute, and Marilyn rubbed her temples, "I don't have feelings for Jessie. She has become a good friend, that's about it," Marilyn wasn't sure why she needed to confirm what Jessie was to her. Was it for Gina's sake, or hers?

"Right," Gina didn't believe it in the slightest. How could she? Jessie was attractive. Even she had thought about it, not that she'd confess that to Marilyn.

"Jessie's an opportunity seeker. Everything she does is thought out for her ulterior motives. She's really good at mind games honestly," Marilyn said.

Gina narrowed her eyes, as she looked at Marilyn's attention travelling around the room, as though she was stuck in her head, "you're pretty interested in her, I can see."

Indeed, Jessie was a fascinating person. She was beautiful, and a well seasoned woman—someone both Gina and Marilyn preferenced, "you're one to talk. You've been gushing over her for months," Marilyn mentioned.

Gina shrugged. For sure, she'd fallen in love with every word that Jessie had written, and kept them close to her heart. But she'd never considered a relationship with her. She couldn't say the same for her wife, "I'd fuck her, that's about it," Gina said nonchalantly, making Marilyn's heart sink. She wouldn't admit it, but hearing Gina say that had hurt her a lot. Marilyn did love her wife. But her straying ways would always leave a dent inside of Marilyn's heart. Marilyn had looked past Gina's unfaithfulness for years. It was just sex, right? They were the real deal. They loved each other. But as the years passed, it left an inadequacy on Marilyn's shoulders, one that she couldn't shake off.

"I love you, Gina. I really do," Marilyn was holding back something. Gina could tell.

"I sense a but," Gina's heart raced. Was Marilyn really going to give up on them? Would she really?

Marilyn closed her eyes, and inhaled a deep breath. She needed to say it. She needed to be honest with Gina, and most importantly, herself, "I'm just not in love with you anymore."