The Mind That Never Sleeps//Katsuki Bakugou

2. i still love you

Now
—katsuki
At night, when I close my eyes, I dream about her.

She dances across my mind, my vision, my heart, my everything. I see her sweet smile and hear her sultry voice that always brought me in closer.

Dreaming of her reminds me of her abundance of energy and teasing remarks. Sometimes they remind me how much she cared for her family, how she held them together for so long.

It's hard, rolling over after dreaming about her, reaching out and simply meeting the coldness of my wrinkled sheets under my finger tips.

This room is so lonely without her, so empty.

There's still the little reminders of her, the red bra she left on the window sill was still there, and the glass who's water is long gone still lingers on the left nightstand.

Or the old U.A t-shirt, that god awful orange one we all wore during the school festival.

I can't bring myself to move any of it, to clean her away.

Every time I sit up it's in silence, the groans are now constant and internalized as I rub my face, trying to diminish any sort of sadness before I start my day. I have other things to worry about.

My slippers are always to far from my side of the bed. I never knew why but she always made sure they were close enough for my feet to make contact with them as soon as I got out of bed. I never could bring myself to put them back perfectly.

The room with filled with dim darkness, the curtains remained shut because there was no longer anyone in this room who cared enough about opening them up, letting some light in.

She always told me I never let enough light in.

I slip my feet into the warmth of the slippers she bought me for the last birthday I had that we shared together. I no longer count the birthdays without her.

When I reach the door, my hand settles on the cool knob before me. I have to take in a few breaths every morning before I face my cruel reality.

There's sound coming from the other side of the door but it doesn't startle me.

He always gets up before me, but never asks questions and never tries to get me out of bed any earlier.

I finally convince myself to open the door and tread down the hallway.

He hears me approaching, immediately grabbing the remote and pausing the show he is always watching. He turns towards me with the largest smile on his face, one that reminds me of her. His eyes, even though they have my coloring, they smile like her's did.

"Good morning daddy! Wanna watch cartoons with me?" His voice is so sweet, so innocent. He asks me this every morning even though he knows my answer will be the same each time.

"I've gotta feed you kiddo, you can only do so much for yourself." I reach down and ruffle his hair before retreating to the kitchen.

He follows me, like I knew he would.

He pulls his tiny body up so he can sit at one of the kitchen bar stools that my parents had gifted us for our house warming party.

Every morning I allow myself a moment to relish the beauty of the little boy before me. He was the only thing that kept me moving forward, with his big crimson eyes and his green and black hair that was starting to remind me more of her brother's hair rather than her natural coloring.

Kota, named after the little boy she and Izuku saved back at the horrendous training camp our freshman year, was almost five.

Making that almost five years without her smile.