ʙᴜʟʟɪᴇᴅ [ɴɪ-ᴋɪ]

R

25th March
Dear diary,

Thank you. Thank you so much for you're the only one who cares to listen to me. You're the only one to whom I can tell everything. You're the only one who knows all my secrets. I don't hide anything from you. So there's no point in hiding from you the fact that I have a crush on someone. Yes. You heard it right. I'm in love. But what hurts the most is the fact that the person I'm in love with is the person who hates me the most on earth. For he's my bully. Nishimura Riki. I'm the only one he bullies. He doesn't talk to anyone. He's always quiet. But when I'm around, he can't control himself. He disrespects me every day. He makes fun of what I look like. He thinks that I have eating disorder. But I wish I could tell him that it's not eating disorder. It's pancreatic cancer...

Life always gave me pain. It was never beautiful like how mom used to talk about. Maybe she lied so that I can stay happy even after her death. She certainly did. Just when I thought that in the last few days of my life, life will gift me some happiness, it gave me the worst pain ever. The pain of falling in love. The pain of heartbreak. The pain of falling for the person who hates you. He'll never love me. Ever. Even if he did, I was going to die anyways so what was the point?

Whatever. Today is the last day of my life. And today I make a commitment. I will smile today. Yes. I will smile today. No matter how much he bullies me, no matter how much more sad things I witness before my last breath, I will smile. Even when I'll be dying... I'll smile.