𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲, 𝐛𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢

𝟷𝟶. 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚢

Sorry the update took so long, college is kicking my ass, and I'm talking Jean vs. Reiner kind of ass-kicking. (Sorry, with today's episode, I had to, lmao)

Enjoy 🐿

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Alright, so maybe you're a little bitter.

Getting cock blocked by anyone at any time is never fun, especially when it happens at a time when you're only a few brief moments away from being able to grasp hold of something that you've secretly been yearning to happen.

And letting Eren kiss you was just that.

Unfortunately, the moments spent drawling in aching anticipation slipped through the small spaces of your fingers as easily and as quickly as air shifts through them, leaving you with absolutely nothing.

You can feel disappointment simmering inside of you as if you are made up of it entirely, making you almost itch, but it's the kind you can't quite scratch.

It's no secret that you had found Eren attractive since the day you bumped into him in the busy science hallway when he was nice enough to help you out before he even knew what your name was.

That morning is still burned heavily in your mind; you can envision it clearly as if it happened only yesterday. The lollipop enveloped nicely into his cheek, his signature man bun knotted securely in its place, the gold key necklace that hung over his black attire bringing all of him together, that smile he gave you when he realized that you were in the same lecture as him—all of it.

Your appeal toward Eren was most of the reason why you even agreed to play kiss and bitch at his party in the first place. That night, down in his basement, that was scented with weed, and the walls of it dressed up with various anime posters, you were wagering on a small sliver of hope that the bottle would spin around and around in the small formed circle and love you enough to land on him.

Taking that one out of nine chance was more than enough for you. But of course, because luck has never been one to favor you, by the end of it, your lips ended up landing on the one person that you were planning to stay the hell away from. Talk about the fucking odds.

Do you regret kissing Jean? No.

Well, perhaps, your statement should be rephrased because it is a bit more complex than that. Nothing is ever simple when it comes to that man. If the topic of Jean doesn't leave you with your head spinning, that's when you know something is wrong.

To put your answer into better words, you didn't regret kissing Jean until you did.

What occurred during the heat of the moment with him was the first time in your life that you ever permitted something like that to happen.

Before moving to this town, letting loose was not anything you were known for. It was out of character, one might say. You never had the freedom, or the friends, and especially not the fucking courage.

Back in Stohess, you were far too busy picking your drunk father off of the cracked tile floor at countless hours of the day, all while he demanded that you respect him as the man who raised you through slurred words drenched in cheap vodka and bitter hate.

You were too overwhelmed begging to be loved by your ex, who never could, as you spent days on end trying to convince him that you weren't cheating on him just because you wore an outfit that was too revealing for his liking.

And mainly, you were far too consumed trying to save your brother's life, all while wanting to end your own. But never did you utter a single word about your pain because that would only make you a burden, and that is something you never wanted to be.