×Freezing The Fire And Burning The Cold× Shoto Todoroki one shots.

×Reading Fanfictions× (angst)

Tw!!: Sensitive topics and I'm sure it might be accurate for many of you reading this since I'm writing it from something similar that happened to me.

(Ik the upper picture isn't accurate with the storyline but I love that fanart)
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And he regrets it. He regrets yet another decision.he shouldn't have read that. He wishes he didn't. Now he's at the verge of tears trying to compose himself while trying to find his own pulse to calm himself. When he can't he trys to feel his heartbeat.his stomach slightly hurts and images of his elbows and hips are on his mind. He knew this would happen but he didn't expect a small sentence to trigger him. He wanted to make more  scars on more parts of his body.

What did he do you ask? He read a fanfiction. It was about one of his favorite characters who had been found self harming. It wasn't a big deal at first. He's read many of those. He just ignored the warnings most of the times. He didn't think much about them, And even after this trigger he probably wouldn't think before ignoring them.

He was really fine at first, it was so normal to read such stories. He found himself believing everyone had gone through something or the other and that his wasn't anything too bad compared to a few others. It did help. He thought less about his life and was calmer for a while but he kind of wanted to feel bad for himself. He wanted what happened to him be valid too. But that was just a slight bit selfish considering life was treating him just fine and that all the bad things were in the past. He had never started self harming as a child. He was like "why the hell would someone do that. It's dumb. Like hurting yourself won't fix shit unless you full-on want to die of bloodloss and literally crave cuts that deep to kill yourself."
He found it a little funny. It could make him smile.
Cause now his mindset was more along the lines of

"Everyone probably has self-harmed at one point of their life and I bet they still do it sometimes when they're stressed and become more stressed after they do it cause they broke thier streak or something"

Yeah he was speaking for himself too. He had found that all humans have very similar yet very different  mindsets. They all felt the same but they all acted different and showed thier emotions differently According to how life treated them. It really did matter how they were raised. Nobody gets some things that others go through but deep down everybody gets it. He couldn't word what all aspects of life his mind has thought through. He thought too many things at once and it wasn't too many voices at once or something like he's read in books. It was just really really really confusing thoughts. Like the world was confusing what did you want him to do? Figure it out? He'd leave that to the actual curious ones thank you very much.he just went with life. If he was genuinely happy he was kinda surprised. Cause at one point he remembered thinking
"Damn, no one is truly happy huh? They are just happy momentarily. They never truly.find peace."

He had to go through a lot of talks from his closest friends to get to his 'peace' point.

He'd like to call it his peace point because he realized his worth and he was kind of happy despite the sad surroundings and the despite the fact people were dying everyday and he didn't do anything about it. He didn't know why.. but he blames himself slightly.

He had some constant mental reminder to himself that "kids have feelings too" he doesn't remember why he had that reminder but it's strange because he remembers it being an important reminder especially for future him.
He stopped thinking about that too much when he realized he didn't give a single fuck about anyone else's feelings being hurt. Now if he was wrong he'd think about it and deal with it then. He didn't have the mental capacity for that in the present.

He found himself secretly checking the people he cared for, for scars in the places where he self harmed.

"Fuyumi can you extend your arms? And close your eyes."

She does as he says smiling to herself.

He checks the hidden part of her arm and the other arm and other places he can observe.

He doesn't find any self made scars.
He's thankful.

"Ok open your eyes"

He goes in for a hug. He had no idea what else to do. It would be too awkward to do nothing so better then that he guesses.

"What are you doing?"

"YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER THIS PLACE"

Mina says pointing the scissors at Todoroki in a way where you get a rush of Adrenaline  when you see your sibling and suddenly you act weird. Again, not so easy to explain.

"Don't play with scissors."

He says as he trys to grab the scissors out of her hand.

"I'm just trying to find something like a knife or something for a drawer that got stuck"

"Alright"

He takes the scissors from her hand and keeps it back in place before taking both her hands and checking them for any bruises.

"I'm not a child you know-"

"Just checking"

"SUS"

"I- no."

.....

Yeah he had stopped self harming a few months ago. Kind of surprising cause it felt.like years, in a good and a bad way.

Well doesn't mean he doesn't want to continue.

So when he read the character self-harmed near his thighs he didn't react but when one of his friends (or shoto's favorite side character who needed more screen time) had mentioned that he self harmed once upon a time and showed his favorite character his scars on his hips to prove to his bestfriend he wasn't alone  and that he too would get over it, shoto almost started crying...then fuyumi called him- and he wiped away his tears, that were on the brick of falling.

"Yeah yumi? What's up?"

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-a story I wrote on the spot about my thoughts and my current feelings-

Unnecessary note:

- my exams are over and my next semester starts soon but in the meantime I'll write more<3 Can I just say that Wattpad fanfiction writers are so talented I've read so many books and my heart just can't take in how amazing and unique each writer is-