Eighteen

Chapter 25

I rested beneath the shade of a Narra tree, holding another book I had bought not so long after we had arrived from that nice vacation. Maganda naman iyong bakasyon kahit na nahaluan ng tensyon sa huli.

I had been trying not to think about it. I had been trying not to despite the sudden recurring thoughts of him. I would have finished this book long ago if I had not been regressing on the words whenever he had come popping out in my mind.

"Ate! Ate!"

"Ate Paulette!"

Sunod-sunod ang tawag sa akin ng mga pamangkin kong paakyat sa munting burol kung nasaan ako. Sophia, the youngest, was holding what seemed to be a basket. I laid the book in a split above my tummy and pushed myself into a sitting position against the tree trunk. They worked their legs up the small hill where I was.

"Ate, play with us! We're playing massage-massage," ani Sophia.

"Ah . . . Why me?" I laughed awkwardly.

"Tapos na si kuya Cai magkipag-play with us. Ikaw na naman!"

"Sabi ni papa mo, 'wag ka raw magsalita nang conyo, Fia. Pangit daw pakinggan; ang arte-arte," pagbabawal ni Amelia, pinakamatanda sa kanila.

"Mag-lie down ka lang, ate. I-massage ka namin," sabi ni Sophia. Hindi naman ako makatanggi sa mga bata kaya sinunod ko na lang sila.

I had to put down the book that I had been reading in compliance with this little play they were compelling me to be part of. I could not say I hated kids nor did I like them; I felt neutral about them.

Little fingers pressed my skin ever so gently. With this, I could take a nice nap. Maybe joining in with kids' play was not that bad. Hindi ako marunong makitungo sa mga bata dahil hindi naman ako rito lumaki.

Ako rin ang bunso sa aming dalawa ni Kuya at wala na kami iba pa na kapatid maliban na lang kung isasali sa bilang si Leon na hindi ko rin nakasamang lumaki. One thing was for sure, though, I was a slave at a child's word. Who was not, anyway? I would not want to see one throwing a tantrum.

"Ate, you have nice hair," sabi ni Sasha na tingin ko ay may-ari ng kamay na hinihimas ang buhok ko ngayon.

"Thank you, Sasha," I said softly.

"Have you tried bangs na before, ate?" Sophia asked.

"I have not. I do not think it will suit me," I answered, my tone normal like I was just talking to someone of my age. Hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko pa bang palitan ang boses ko para makipagkausap sa kanila.

A hand pulled a thin clump of my hair to my face and had it finger-combed. It tickled my face a little. Maybe they were trying to play with the thin group of strands, making it a pretend fringe to see what I would look like with a short length of hair over my forehead.

I heard rustling of movements, like someone was rummaging through things. I thought, maybe it was the basket they had with them. Talagang nagdala pa sila ng laruan para rito sa kunwa-kunwari nila. Pero sino nga ba ang mawiwili kung wala silang gamit na aayon sa kung ano ang ginagampanan nila?

A scissor snicks shut.

My eyes jolted awake, and what I opened my eyes to sent confusion to my spine. My whole nervous system was in chaos, trying to figure out what message or response was appropriate with my current situation.

A thin clump of hair, that I was so sure mine, was nipped between small fingers hovering over my face. Hesitantly, I touched Sasha's fingers and gently snatched the small strip of hair from her, touching my forehead.

I ran my index finger and thumb along the shortened length—checking if I was tripping or not. The hair above my forehead was not supposed to be this short that it only reached the bridge of my nose.