Eighteen

Chapter 49

"How do you kiss?"

It was morning. I accompanied Hide to one of her photoshoots, and right now, she was on break. The only reason I had come here was because the shoot was located at a nearby lake. I had thought, maybe a change in setting would calm my mind. For the record, I had only one hour of sleep—or even less than that. I blamed this on Anais.

"Wow, ha. Nagdadalaga?" tukso ni Hide. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Grabe ka naman. Sa London ba, hindi ka talaga tinawag ng laman?"

"What is that?" I crumpled my face at her.

"Wala. Anyway, bakit mo natanong?"

I felt guilty with her question. Bigla ko na lang naalala ang pakiramdam ng labi ni Anais sa labi ko kanina. I had felt his breath on my philtrum. It was a weird type of physical intimacy. Kaya rin kulang ako sa tulog dahil inisip ko iyon. Hindi naman sa kinilig ako buong umaga; hindi lang talaga ako makatulog sa kakaisip kung totoo ba iyon o hindi. Masyado ata akong nabigla kahit ang halik na iyon at tila parang pang-elementarya lang.

And now I was thinking, how did the other forms of kiss feel? And how did you do one?

"'Tsaka bakit ako ang tinatanong mo, e wala akong alam diyan," aniya.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, hindi nagpapaniwala.

"True, 'te. I have kissed men, but those were just mediocre kisses. Kung ako sa'yo, si Catherine o Aliana ang tanungin mo."

Kung si Catherine ang tatanungin ko, mang-aasar iyon. Asking Aliana, a very matured person, might probably be the best option. So I saved that question for Aliana.

We were just by the lake, sitting on a natural rock chair. Hide wore a mud-colored mesh and layered dress with huge butterfly sleeves and deep backline. Her brown curl-ironed hair was waving across her back. She had no accessories on, and her feet were bare. The hem of the skirt was also deliberately made wet. She looked like a forest or mud nymph or some sort.

May iba ring mga modelo na narito, hindi lang si Hide. They all looked gorgeous that I felt so underdressed in a plain small white shirt, skinny jeans, and boots. But I could not care less, anyway. A mashup of foreign models and pure Filipinos were executing their poses around the area with their own teams of the same magazine.

I stared at Hide, and right there, as she watched the peaceful lake and the sun kissing her skin, she looked one with nature. Honestly, she was dazzling, even in that photo of her on a billboard. The most beautiful morena girl I knew. If my brother had lived, would he have been in my place instead, staring at Hide. What could have been running in his mind?

"Hide, have you dated anyone?" I asked out of nowhere, picking up a pebble and disturbing the still waters ahead of us.

"Hmm . . . 'di ba no'ng junior high pa lang tayo, may nasagot akong nanligaw kasi na-pressure ako. May isa rin noong grade 7 tayo, sinubukan ko kasi na-curious ako," sagot niya, tatawa-tawa. I laughed with her, but that was not my point.

"Noong senior high?"

Nawala ang bahid ng ngiti mula sa pagtawa niya.

"Patawa ka, ha. Alam mo naman, sa kuya mo lang ang tingin ko noon." She brushed her hands along his arms.

"I visited his grave," I said, both happy and sad that I was slowly accepting that he was gone. "You dated, right?" I asked carefully, not wanting to turn this into a depressing situation. I was hoping, somehow, that we had both moved on.

She looked over me, leaning her head on her folded arms above her curled up knees. Her lips curled into a gentle smile.

"Mm-hmm. Naniniwala ka?"