Eighteen

Special Chapter: Anniversary

This is a three-part perspective (p.o.v.). The reference point of the time rewind is based on the first point of view, which is Anais' p.o.v.. Enjoy!

Anais
Present Time

"Anais . . . tingin mo tama pa ba 'to? Kapag nalaman ni Camille . . . Sana hindi. 'Wag mo hayaang malaman niya, Anais."

Hide's looking down at her lap. I can't say yes or no to her first question. I find myself questioning the substance of my position in the situation to answer that. Nang hindi ko siya sinagot, Umangat ang mga mata niyang matatamlay sa'kin. I rub the steering wheel, chucking my head to the side.

Her hand brushes her hair back. She looks up again. "'Wag na nga lang isipin." Mahina siyang tumawa at nagsimula nang baklasin ang seatbelt niya. "Hintayin mo 'ko."

She pushes the door of the car open and lets herself out, but before she completely leaves, she ducks her head and looks at me straight in the eyes.

"Thank you . . . for doing this with me in the past seven years," then she sashayed away to the grassy land that encompassed the whole memorial park, bringing with her a candle she bought along the way.

Today marked the seventh year of Cailein's passing. Hide has never missed a single year visiting his grave. Kahit pa bombarded ang schedule niya overseas, she always makes sure to clear her calendar annually for this. That's why I can never answer the question she threw at me earlier; the conclusion's all up to her.

I'm just a person willing to help. Hide's a close friend, after all. After Camille left years ago, I finally saw how the same situation that affected her loomed above Hide's head. I was able to see how everyone else was silently bleeding and mourning for the lost of a friend, nephew, and a significant other. I hadn't expected that they actually ended up dating months before it happened. That explained how affected she appeared at the hospital when we all thought it was only a mere crush.

She doesn't always take long out there, but everytime she comes back, her eyes are as if they were tung by bees. I don't give comments about it, too. When she returns, I don't look at her, only silently move out of the car for it's my turn to march up there. I've always wanted to comfort Hide, but I'm not the best in that practice. Even with Camille back then . . . I only did so much.

I think it's better to stay silent rather than give someone advice you're just forcing out of your inexperienced brain. In exchange, I just make her feel like she's not alone in this. I make myself visible and palpable to the best of my efforts. It's not easy dealing with a deceased; that's a given. In Hide's case, she's been loving Cai no less than the first and last time she's had her eyes on him. That only makes it worse.

"Mas matanda na 'ko sa kanya ngayon." She puffs a laugh. "Bente-singko na 'ko; he's stuck at 21. Pero kahit gano'n, dumaan man ang ilang sakunang 'di pa napapangalanan ng mundo, babalik-balikan pa rin ng puso't isip ko ang pitong taon na lumipas na hinding-hindi ko ibabaon. I might be aging each year, but I know within myself I'm still stuck at the age I felt like I belonged perfectly to someone; and I'm not even complaining."

She once told me that.

His memorial stone's still as clear as day, as if it's only been within this week that everybody who has ever loved him lost him. I sit down on the grass, folding my shins inward in an Indian sitting position. Each year when I visit this same old place, I've always had one wish floating around me, na sana man lang naranasan kong makausap siya nang ganito. I'd always wanted to be his mate. Maybe we could've been . . . Who knew?

"Nagsasawa ka na ba sa mukha ko? Or are you frowning upon me?" I start, smiling. "You're still not against me dating your sister, right? Rest assured, I won't fumble with her-that'd be like digging my own grave. If that ended up being the case, which I promise it won't, I'd make sure not to dig it anywhere near yours. I'm scared of offending even your ghost, Cai."