Spideypool one shots (missions, no smut)

Canister Expert

"Are you a gas canister expert? Did you go to gas canister 101 in the past five minutes?" I narrowed my lenses at Deadpool in response whilst holding the can I assumed was the correct one.

"They said it was glowing green. Not purple, dude!" Still Deadpool insisted on being stubborn, even as I shook the correct canister in front of him. "Did you record them saying that? No, so how do you know? Did that spider give you super-memory too?"

I didn't need super memory if they had said it every chance they got, which they did! "It's green." My tone irritated as I stated through clenched teeth. "Purple." The bickering continued through simply repeating 'green' and 'purple' for five entire minutes.

       "Let's test it then!" My lenses reverted back to normal as I tilted my head. 'What did he-' My thoughts were brutally cut off at the sound of shattering. My lenses widened so big I thought they'd shatter, and it was all because of Deadpool!

       He fucking sliced the canister open! "You're gonna get us killed! It's literally called Hallucigen! It's going to make us hallucinate!" I began pacing around the room, arms resting on my head uncomfortably.

       We're not getting paid now. Not that it mattered anymore since we're going to go insane! The gas had begun sprawling all over the floor as my eyes scanned the room for an escape.

       "If that's all it does i'm fine. Good luck, Webs." I wanted to web that damn thumbs up onto his face. The thing is that that isn't all it does, it makes you lose any reason.

       It was originally designed for police and military use. The marketing suggested it could subdue aggressive behavior in riots and what not. Except they never got it out of the testing phase! Because it sucked so bad and never worked, it did the exact opposite of what it was designed to!

      If we're exposed to it for too long I have absolute certainty Deadpool was going to begin attacking me, dude was already half insane! "Just help me find a way out, man!" Practically pleading at this point as the way we had originally entered in had locked from the outside through our bickering.

       "Sure, sure. If you admit it was purple." I grimaced not a doubt in my mind that I didn't just pop a blood vessel at the irritation that just surged through me. "It was green! That's why we are going to die! Because now it's all over the floor contaminating our oxygen!" I crouched frantically aiming my hands in the direction of the green gas.

       "Let's say, hypothetically, you're right." There is no hypothetically if I know i'm right! "Then that would mean we are totally fucked." He finished as if he had just discovered this possibility himself. I simply stood straight up in complete and utter disbelief at his idiocy.

       "Oh wow it's almost like... I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT THE ENTIRE TIME!!" My voice became weaker through the end as I began to feel wheezy. After about ten minutes I pulled my head up from it's hung position shocked to see MJ and... Captain America? "What are you guys doing here?" I muttered shaking my head to check if it were a hallucination.

       Had I passed out? "What are you talking about? Are you insane already, Webs?" Since when did MJ know I was Spider-Man? "MJ, you knew?" Eagerly my lenses widened at her sudden choice to walk up to me. In a matter of seconds I felt a sting on my cheek.

       "MJ what the-?" Yet when I turned my head back to inquire my thoughts to MJ she was gone along with Captain America. Now stood Deadpool, hooray. "While you were off in la la land I found an exit." I felt a tad embarrassed I was the one going insane first, I mean really? How's that work?

       I grumbled to myself following Deadpool to a hidden vent that I hadn't seen through the gas before. Great not only was I first to go insane I was blind as well must be a holiday with all this joy i'm feeling.

       I felt eyes boring into my ass as we crawled through the vent, I now realized why he insisted "out of the goodness of his heart" I go first. "I can feel your eyes, y'know!" Goodness of his heart my ass, literally!

        "Not really a wide variety of scenery here, Webs!" I mean yeah, true. This thing wasn't exactly some spacious five star motel.

       Noticing the light of freedom I swallowed my irritation and continued to push on. With a loud 'bang' the vent popped off allowing me to climb out Deadpool in tow.

       "Did you guys get it?" The voice caused me to freeze slowly turning to see Captain America. "Get what?" I feigned ignorance standing up whilst still on the wall. "The green canister." Deadpool shot a 'you got this' look at me even though it was his fault we didn't have it. "Ohhh that canister!" I nodded frantically waving my pointer finger.

       "Well the important thing is that we're all here." My nodding never ceasing even as the disappointed look spread across Caps face.

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HalluciGen is from Fallout 4
sick ass game play it