Between Hello and Goodbye

Chapter 9: Unanswered Questions

I'm back sorry for the really late update, last week was kind of hectic, but here's chapter 9! Enjoy.

Song: GO TO HELL by Clinton Kane

"My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff!"

Catherine talking about the two men that she was torn between seemed to hit a little too close to home, reminding me that I had two guys in my life that had me confused on what to do with either of them. Her words about the two men were a reflection of my situation in real life—if you could even call it that— where I did not know the intentions of either Asher or Gage. Yet, our worlds were not the same. Catherine was in love with both men, leading her to realize that her love for each of them was unique to each man, while I, unfortunately, did not know how I felt about either guy.

I placed the book down on the table, looking across the surface before me, the hunched over figure of Gage doing his homework with a furrowed brow sitting casually in his chair. He seemed concentrated on the books and papers surrounding him, not aware of my eyes analyzing him without his knowledge. It had been a sight I had felt I missed over the time we had been apart, his distance over the past several days after the Asher incident being the culprit to our separation. Gage had continued to act the same after the first car ride home from the football field that day, the anxiety from my creative writing class still fresh on my mind.

The sight of his current demeanor wrapped a hand around my heart with a slight squeeze, his lively strawberry blonde hair and handsome face making my body feel light and happy. He still looked the same. But, even that felt like a lie. I looked around, the simplicity of his home making me feel comfortable and at ease like it always did. Like I belonged. My eyes focused on a plain wooden cross that hung on the wall behind Gage, the weight of its symbolism screamed loudly as I looked at it.

Unlike my family, Gages' firmly believed in that cross and the teachings that came with it, but in all the years we had known each other it had never appeared in his personality. Religion never played a part in our friendship, or any other heavy subjects since the forming of our relationship. Brindlewood had been the pinnacle of religious whack jobs, people taking something as simple as a belief system and making it into a culture that helped define the town. Unfortunately, now that fall was starting to transition into cooler weather, the bible thumpers felt the need to spout more fire and brimstone to compensate for the lack of warmth.

My eyes broke away from the cross and its hidden meanings, my vision becoming enveloped with the boy I called my best friend. His form hadn't changed in the moments I had looked away. The occasional movement of his pencil was visible as he answered the questions on his paper, questions that I would have to review with him once he was done. The words from the book in my hands came back to the forefront of my mind, Catherine's outburst repeating over and over in my head. Her description of her love for the two men reflected on how I felt about the guys in mine, my experiences with them different from each other.Gage's face being overshadowed with the picture of the face that Asher made when he was writing a response to the prompts Ms. Wilder gave us. This led me to ask myself certain questions. 

Did I really love Gage?

Why was I scared of the feelings that Asher made me feel when I looked at him?

The questions made the sweat of my palms soak into the pages of my book, my eyes looking instantly to Gage with the hope to feel some sort of relief. It only made things worse. I internally began to panic as the reality of the lack of comfort from the sight of my best friend began to settle in. Something that had never happened to me before. All of those feelings being fresh and new, things that I had never considered until now, emotions, I felt, would never be a worry for me.