𝓣𝓻𝔂 𝓐𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓯𝓲𝓿𝓮

𝓚𝓪𝓽𝓼𝓾𝓴𝓲'𝓼 𝓟𝓞𝓥

   Three.... four.... and five. Why not five more since old hag scolded me for making icy-hot want to break off our engagement for the sixth time this month. I'm the literal definition of shit. During hero training today I accidentally hurt tape arms again. He said he was okay but I know he was lying. I don't deserve to live. I hurt everyone around me. I'm so ungrateful and selfish but I can't help but want to kill myself. Would anyone actually care though? Shitty hair and racoon eyes would have less problems without me. 

   No, I have to become the number one hero... who am I kidding. Like Deku said, my quirk can only hurt people. I'm better off being a villain. Shit. My cuts are burning like hell. I guess I should rinse them off and bandage them. While I run my cuts through some hot water it stings. It hurts. A lot. Damn. I'm weak like Deku said. I can't even take a little pain.

   It's getting later into the night so I guess I'll go to sleep. Not that I get any sleep anyways. 

   FUCKING HE- I fling the spawn of the devil, also known as my alarm clock, across the room and get up. Shit, I'm late. The old hag is going to be mad. I don't feel like eating so I skip breakfast again. To be honest I think I'm losing weight from not eating. It's not anyone would notice though... It's finally the weekend so I get ready to go back to my house.

   I would rather not but the old hag made a rule that I have to come home every other weekend. As soon as I walk into my house an alcohol bottle smashes right by my head. "Why're you so, so, so, so late? Y'know the Todorokis threatened to break off the engagement again. Why do you have to be a bitch about everything." She said slurring at the end of her sentence. She was sitting on the couch but you could smell the alcohol from when walked into the house. "If anyone is a bitch it's you." I muttered under my breath. 

   "What'd ya say ya brat?" "N-nothing." "Oh really? Because I thought I heard something about someone being a bitch." Then she got up to where I was standing at the door and slapped me. Ha. Twice this month. Must be a record. "Don't you dare talk back to me you worthless piece of shit." I just went to my room. I don't even cry about being called those things anymore. I used to but one time the old hag walked in on me and beat me up saying, "Men don't cry." I never cried after that.

   I also don't cry anymore because after a while I didn't feel anything anymore. I was just there. My arm starts burning again so I changed the bandages on my arm. I'm getting kind of hungry but I don't deserve to eat. I decided to just go to sleep.

   *Knock Knock* I was awakened from a knock at my door. The only other person who lives in this house and actually has manners would be my dad. That means he's finally home! I pull open the door to be face to face with my dad. "Were you sleeping Katsuki? Sorry to wake you... I was wondering if you had eaten anything. I was going to take you to dinner." "I already ate." I lied. "But since this poor old man personally came to ask me I guess I have no choice." I love my dad.

   I don't act like it but he is the only person I can be one hundred percent myself with. He got married to my mom because of work too. My mom used to work like my dad too but suddenly she stopped around three years ago. I don't know why. It was so sudden. She became an alcoholic and started abusing me. I couldn't tell my dad because he was always busy and worrying about me. I didn't want to cause him more trouble.

   My dad took me to a spicy noodle restaurant that I loved. It had been a while since I had last come here. "How's school son?" "Same old extras. Nothing interesting." "I haven't seen Midoriya kun recently. Is everything okay?" My parents don't know that Midoriya and I don't talk anymore. "He's just busy." I lied again. I guess I should be looking towards a career route for pathological liars.

   After that we ate in silence. When we finished eating my dad went to pay while I waited in the parking lot for the chauffeur to come. Suddenly some weirdo bumped me. "WHAT THE HELL YOU FUCKER! HEY, COME BACK!" That fucker. Wait a second. He dropped a file. I was curious so I picked it up.

   I don't know what to feel. My heart hurts like hell. In the file were pictures of that half 'n half bastard and the damn nerd making out. I was completely disgusted and disappointed. Shit. My eyes were stinging again. Stop being weak Katsuki. You're such a- "Hey son. Sorry for being slow. Has the chauffeur come yet? Hold up, I'll call him." "O-okay." I definitely can't cry in front of my dad. He has a lot going on at the company right now.

   When we get back home I thank my dad and go to my room. The itching comes back again. I check to see if anyone is in the hallway and rush to the bathroom. 

   One, two- "Katsuki? Are you in there? I need to go to the bathroom." "S-sure hold up a sec." I wrap my arm back up in bandages and hurry to rinse the blade. I run out the bedroom and close my door. I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. The voices keep telling I can't skip out on my punishments and I'll be punished even more tomorrow. 

   The voices, they keep telling me I don't deserve to live. I know they're right but I'm to scared. I don't think I can do this anymore. Only one of us can keep continue living in this body. I need to fight the voices but I can't. I'm weak, pathetic.

   I can't do this  anymore.

   Edit : sorry for being narcissistic but why the fuck is my book actually good- January 24th 2023