Crossing the gangster

Chapter 28

Hazel's POV

A few years back and I would have been grounded for using such language, she knew that as she opened her mouth to say something before closing it again, resembling a fish without water.

Finally, making up her mind though I left her with no choice, she nodded her head firmly. "Very well  no choice, she nodded her head firmly. "Very well then, listen because this is not what you expect."

"When I married your fa- I mean my husband, I did not know he ran a gang. He kept that part of his life a complete secret, I don't know how but you've seen him. That man can be one manipulative person. When I did find out though, I told him I couldn't do it. I filed for a divorce. This was when your, well, stepbrother was just a few months old and I was going to take him with me and leave."

She started off and I knew she was beating around the bush slightly but instead of interrupting her, I let her continue.

Her eyes were slightly glassy as she was staring off into a distance and I didn't want her to be brought back into reality and blink, her tears are not something I wanted to deal with.

That's all, that's the only reason why.

"He was not very happy about this... He needed smith to run the 'empire' as he put it after him and I learned that he didn't love me, the only thing he could love was this gang he had built from bottom-up but instead, he was obsessed with me. He didn't let either one of us leave and so I ran... I ran but he found me, he got a guy to kidnap me and held me hostage. Though he didn't realise the guy he gave this order to was not as obedient as he thought. The order was to keep me and hurt me a little if I didn't obey but one night, my kidnapper got drunk and..."

Her voice broke and it was then I realised, she wasn't a cheater, this wasn't on her. My very own mother had been abused by two males... But
that didn't explain her leaving, I had to wait till she got to that bit.

"And he raped me. I cried and I begged and somehow a message got sent to Jonathon who was furious. I don't know what he did with that man, your father, but he refused to let me abort the baby. Too many people would see, he told me, and he made me keep the baby and pretend it was his own. Initially, he loved you as his own he really did, but now every time he sees you, he sees you as a mistake. He's become even more of a perfectionist in recent years and he can't stand it that he hired the wrong person that went against his orders."

That was him alright, that sounded exactly like something Jonathon would do. And now him selling me off made sense, I ticked him off in the wrong way and that could be held to my advantage.

I'm well aware he doesn't know about this meeting and hence, I was going to use this pocket of information to my disposal.

That was all I was going to focus on. I needed to ignore the part that was feeling bad for my mother, pity for all that she went through.

I couldn't let my focus be deterred, I couldn't let another person in my life again just for her to leave like she did the last time. I was sick and tired of getting close to people only to realise I didn't matter to them.

Also, I was a product of rape, I was a mistake, I was not wanted...

It was clear I wasn't supposed to belong, wouldn't it be so much easier if I didn't? That would help everyone.

I blinked, not wanting the unshed tears to spill from my eyes. Stop hazel, piece yourself together, you are stronger than this. But I was just a broken girl that wanted to be loved.....

"That doesn't explain why you left me with him. You knew his perspective and still chose to leave me with that monster..." I couldn't help the breaking of my voice, the crack in my facade, the tidal wave of emotions that swept over me.

"That was something I regret till this very day, I met a guy that truly makes me happy and I was selfish. I didn't think about anyone else, I'm sorry. I had finally struck a deal that would get me out of there and I left as soon as I could."

A sad smile tugged the corner of my lips, 'I didn't think about anyone else' I was just an anyone. It didn't matter to her how much I would be breaking inside that house.

But she had gone through this much, surely she deserved this much happiness and peace. This deadweight of a daughter that only brought back terrible memories didn't help anyone.

"I forgive you," I whispered and the way her eyes lit up, the way it was like sunshine had been brought back into those irises and her back straightened up.

I hated telling her the next thing but it had to be done. I said I forgive you for her, but the next thing I was saying was for me.

I slowly rose up from my chair, a few more minutes, don't cry...

"I forgive you but that doesn't mean I'll forget. I'm sorry, I don't think I can let you back into my life, I just can't. You deserve this happiness, it looks good on you."

Her eyes fell from where they were resting on me but she nodded nonetheless and I turned around, leaving the biggest part of my past behind with turmoil of emotions swirling within me.

I did feel lighter somehow knowing this but I also felt more useless, more unwanted.

Why did it have to turn out like this?

We both had gone through pasts that had left scars, scars that were taking forever to heal but healing nonetheless. Hopefully, this was the closure both of us needed to move on from at least one chapter of the past.

For me, it was the chapter of painful questions and for her, it was the chapter of craving forgiveness

I fumbled for my phone through blurry eyes, I fumbled for my phone through blurry eyes, the urge of leaving here suppressing me as I stepped outside the door. I clicked on chri's contact, waiting for him to answer.

Please answer, please answer and he did...

"Chris, I want to go home, please."

I didn't care how vulnerable or broken I sounded anymore, I didn't care that I had let my guard down in front of two people I had promised myself I wouldn't, I didn't care I just called Chris's house my home.

"I'm on my way, sweetheart."
TBC

Do vote and comment ✨❤️

So what do u think about the surprise of past just erupted??

Do you think hazel will tell chris about whatever happened ?

What will his reaction then ?