Mind, Unedited.

The Happiness Spiral

22.03.22 - 11.58 pm

As far as I can remember, I've drawn things. Without me knowing, it'd become a part of my life and art has always helped me cope with the bitter moments of my life. I've tried different mediums in drawing and everything has always been learned by me in a half-baked manner. I don't thoroughly know any medium. Knowing bits of everything used to bother me. At the same time, I always got excited when I tried a new medium and the results weren't as bad as I expected they would be. To my good grace, I always liked those results. I cared less about what people thought of my art (except a select few, of course, I have my favorites) and more about how the experience personally felt to me. I am not gonna lie and say I got better. I got better in a manner of finding new mediums to try my hands on. It was quite the journey I'd say. There are some clumsy instances of course, like when I first tried Camlin watercolor cakes, I finished a painting of an elephant from a comic book and left it to dry, but I was stupid enough to keep the cup of water that I used to clean my brushes during painting on the edge of the table. Quite surprising how I vividly remember a moment of destruction. The sane part of my mind stopped working and I kept the cup there and it slid and fell onto the painting that was left on the floor to dry. I still have that ruined painting somewhere. I remember being engrossed while painting or drawing something without the urge to post it. And it was a time when you could only listen to the radio and not the songs that you prefer. I drew just for the sake of drawing and not as a way to distract myself. And then as I grew older, drawing became a coping mechanism. Repeating patterns tend to calm me down when I draw them, and I used to do that in my high school.

When and why did something which made me happy for no reason become something that is reminded of only when I want to process a feeling?

I never thought about this until yesterday when I was so happy and I didn't know what to do with all that happiness that I had to "dump" it somewhere and I started drawing patterns. Yesterday was the only day I drew after a long time just because I was happy. After starting my post-graduation, I stopped drawing patterns, not because I was not sad or something, but because I forgot it was one of the ways that I find calmness in life. Recently I started patterns again and I realized my grave mistake of not drawing at all. Yesterday was so damn liberating and I felt like sharing a good day.

Sarayu :)