03.06.2022
I read a quote by Emily Dickinson which went something like, "I am half afraid to hope for what I long for." It got me thinking, and I understood why I was afraid to hope for what I longed for. It was simple, just really simple. But finding such an answer wasn't really pleasant . As usual, the past events in my life played a role in finding out the reason. It was because, in the past, after I got what I wanted, it left me eventually. And now, when good things actually happen in my life, I have this natural propensity to wonder about the expiry date printed on that tin of goodness. It's really taken a toll on my thought process, as I'm unable to genuinely enjoy the better parts of my life. While my thoughts can be contradicted by saying that I can change the way I look at life, one cannot just ignore how things were. The temporariness of goodness eats me alive. The colossal desire to escape the fleeting happiness feels like surrendering to a battle that never existed in the first place.
It's like Bob Dylan sang, Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head, And pretend that he just doesn't see? I do see the events as they unfold and can't stop wondering if history will repeat itself.
Good day.
Sarayu :)
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Mind, Unedited.
RandomWriting things when I spiral . By reading these you get a glimpse of my irrational, and absurd self. Might get a lil bit personal at times, bear with me. And most of my thoughts tend to be questions, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to answer them...
