Behind the Trigger

~Chapter Six: Capture the Queen~

~Morta's POV~

I was training with Ash when the panic hit. It was a normal morning when I woke up after a long night of sleep from using magick in the battle yesterday. I thought I was making mistakes in my training because I was tired, it had happened before. I kept making minor mistakes that could be reversed, but no. I just slipped.

I realized during the battle yesterday that I had so much more power than I was used to. It was when I was in the air battling Vix when I noticed, my magick was darker than normal. It didn't look any different, but it felt different. Like a fragile glass ball that was close to shattering, that's why I pulled back. I was trying to control myself. At that moment on the battlefield, my vision was tainted red and all I knew was that I wanted to kill the boy in front of me. I wanted to kill them all. I restrained myself from going over my limits, but in training today I just couldn't get my mind off of it.

"Morta, what's wrong?" Ash lowers his sword in concern, not anger.

My expression must be odd, I was worried, scared, and broken.

"I don't know!" I screamed in frustration.

"Was it because of yesterday?" he asks carefully as he walks closer.

"Sort of, I just, I don't know. I feel terrified and scared. I feel different and worried. I'm terrified of myself Ash! Something happened yesterday that I can't get out of my head and it's eating away at me bit by bit," I sobbed out with tears running down my cheeks.

"Why are you terrified of yourself?" he comes up and grabs my hands, rubbing small circles on the top of them with his thumbs.

"When I was fighting Vix, I almost lost control of myself. I couldn't contain my magick and it horrified me. It felt like a part of me was about to break, like a little broken piece of glass about to shatter even more. I try so hard to keep the darkness at bay, but when I was fighting Vix, my vision went red and it just felt different, like I'm close to losing control of my own magick. The darkness nearly consumed me and now I just don't know what to do anymore! I don't want to lose the little bit of control I have over myself," I wailed.

Ash surrounded me in his arms, the one thing that kept me grounded. I cried and cried and cried into his shirt, drenching it in tears. I felt close to breaking, but Ash was always here. He rubbed circles on my back and gripped me tightly, to let me know that I will never be alone.

"Morta, all I know is that you can make it through this. I can't pretend to put myself where you are because I never practice my magick anymore. The only magick I use is shadow travel, but you use it everywhere. Your magick is a part of you and a very large one at that. You can do so much more than me and you continue to amaze me with your abilities each and every day. You shouldn't be afraid of your magick, Morta, you should embrace it," Ash's voice is smooth, but I can tell that he might be crying too.

"How am I supposed to embrace something so dark, so evil?" I ask bewildered.

"I think you need to learn to trust it. Darkness isn't necessarily a bad thing," Ash consoled.

"Okay, maybe I'll try that, but I don't know how I'm supposed to trust something like that," I said while calming myself down, still wrapped in Ash's embrace.

"Whatever you choose, I'll be here for you," he embraced me more, and I finally felt at peace since the battle.

"Thank you," I sniffed.

"Your welcome," he replied.

We stayed like this for a long while, just holding and grounding each other. Eventually, we broke apart, tear streaks obvious on our cheeks. We left the arena, Ash's arm wrapped around my waist. That night, no nightmares followed.