ur my uwu

chapter I. First Day of School

My eyes flutter open, it was another HIDEOUS morning. The birds were chirping so loudly that they had woken me up, and my alarm clock hadn't even gone off yet. The sun was shining so brightly that it hurt my eyes, despite my $100000 curtains covering my windows. "Oh well," I thought to myself, "at least I got my full 8 hours of sleep, it helps keep my face young and beautiful! Unlike the other fugly bitches in my school."

I stepped out of bed and went to go shower, then I came back and fixed up my 10ft long blond and pink fade hair. I put on one of my shortest pink skirts (but not too short because with the last skirt I wore, the fugly principal dress coded me) and my most appropriate, yet just a revealing as possible, pink top. I bent down to put on my pink heels and stood to adjust the pink bow on the back of my pink skirt. Then I put on my.... white.... fur thing (honestly I had no idea what it was called and it wasn't pink but it made me look rich so I bought it).

I then looked in the mirror to apply 70 layers of $300 lipstick, it was red, and it reminded me of the blood my victims bleed when I bully them. I looked into my makeup bag and pulled out a giant bottle of my $800 mascara and applied it to my beautiful, long, 3 inch lashes. I looked into the mirror one last time, to admire how irresistibly HOT I was; and then walked downstairs to go eat my singular piece of toast that my mother gives me every morning to remind my sister she's ugly and doesn't deserve our mothers horrible cooking for breakfast. As I walked downstairs I heard my sister, Mistake, getting up in her room. "She's going to be late, again," I thought to myself. When I made it to the bottom of the stairs, I was greeted with my mother whom was somehow wearing more makeup than me. She gave me the singular piece of toast, and I sat down to eat it.

When my sister finally came downstairs, it was already time for us to be leaving. Mom got angry so she picked her up and threw her. Then she screamed at her and told her that she wouldn't be getting any breakfast. A typical tuesday morning, I'd say.

We walked to school together and neither of us said a word. When we had finally arrived to school, I saw my bestie for the resties and went over to her. My sister just stayed behind because nobody likes her and she doesn't have any friends.

"OMG is that, like, your sister again?" my bestie asked

"Yeah, shes like, so emo it's embarrassing."

"Yeah, like, totally... like why can't she just stay like normal like us omg."

"Omg it's because my mom throws her every morning"

"OMG WHAT A LOSER HAHAHA"

"IKR HAHAHAHAHA"

My sister put on her hoodie and her face went all shadow-like and then she started crying but I didn't care because, like, I don't know. I'm just built like that, Im a baddie and my sister's a saddie.

"Omg did you hear a new boy is gonna come today?" I asked my bestie for the resties

"OMG no I bet he's like fugly"

"Omg so true KAM"

"OMG SLAY"

The bell rung, rudely interrupting our conversation, but we stopped talking and headed inside anyway. Of course my bestie stayed behind for a bit to shove my sister causing her forehead to bleed for some reason. When I made it to the classroom and sat down, my bestie for the resties following me, the teacher introduced the new student to us. He wasn't anything much, he had black hair with demon horns sticking out of it, and a wolf tail. "Students, this is your new classmate, his name is Brandon."

"Ew, who names their kid something common like THAT?" I thought to myself, "at least mother dearest named me Barbie, she's so wise."

"OMG WHY'S HE KINDA..." my bestie for the resties said

"UM WHAT DO YOU MEAN???" I asked, quietly

"I mean he's LOWKEY kinda fine tho like I cannot lie."

I felt so betrayed.

Brandon got sat next to my SISTER, which made my bestie for the resties so mad that her face was turning kinda red.

"Um calm down it's not like Brandon likes my fugly sister, ok?"

"UGH but what if she tries to STEAL HIM from ME???"

"Girl you didn't even talk to this guy yet like we just saw him for the first time in the 16 years we have been ALIVE."

"Ugh you don't understand, you don't love him like I do."

I was starting to think that my bestie for the resties might turn out to be one of those yanderes but I pushed that thought aside. "Whatever you say," I responded.

After Mrs.TOTALLYMOSTDEFINITELYNOTTRISHAPAYTAS' boring lecture, the bell had finally rung. My bestie for the resties and I headed out of the classroom, and once we were out she ran over to Brandon to talk to him, shoving my sister so aggressively that she fell.

"OMG HAIII UR BRANDON RIGHT?"

My bestie was losing her marbles.

"Oh, me. Yeah, thats my name." Brandon responded in a monotone voice. He was so emo, I swear, and I HATE emos. Mostly because my sister is an emo too. Then I got a thought, perhaps Brandon and my sister were made for eachother, because they're both emo. "Sorry bestie for the resties but I don't think you're going to pull this one," I thought to myself, again. I do a lot of thinking, I should rest incase I get wrinkles from the stress.

"Omg, my name's Shaleigh, I'm like one of the most popular girls in school. I could show you around."

"Sure."

They walked off, and I stood there, my mouth slightly agape, showing off my perfect pearly whites. Literally what happened to KAM? Oh well I still stand by my statement...

I think about what just happened, and I grow angry. Shaleigh just... left me... for a man. A MAN. WHAT HAPPENED TO... GIRL CODE??? I gasp softly to myself as I take the weight of the situation. Shaleigh thought that a potential boyfriend  was more important than whatever she had built with her BEST FRIEND... ME!!

I grow angry at this newfound information. Why, oh why did I have to be just so... smart!? If only I had the ignorant naive bliss of some of the other girls here. Maybe only then I could not plan for my botox in my early 30's.

I decide that I need to cool off some steam, so I leave the scene, and fume down the hallways.

word count: 1151

this is your reminder that this fic is satire and I absolutely did NOT make this on a genuine note
just for shits and giggles you know?
anyway turn notifs on to see what's gonna happen between Barbie and Shaleigh OOOO 😍😍😍

A/N; whenever a character says "omg" or "ikr" they are quite literally pronouncing it as "oh em gee" and "eye kay are".