Shayne isn't surprised to hear his doorbell ring late morning on Saturday, smiling lightly as he moves over to open it. Courtney had always planned to come back to his apartment after the appointment, and they were planning on heading up to Thousand Oaks for a hike later in the afternoon – and as much as she did very much have a key to his place, she'd forgotten it sitting on his dining table beside a stack of lip glosses she had been twirling between her fingers as she sat across from him eating breakfast earlier that morning.
"Hey Cou-" he starts, brightly, opening the door, before he feels his heart sink. It is Courtney, but her makeup has run down her face in coloured streaks, tears flowing freely as she sobs sharply and shivers. It's certainly not the only time in the last nine months that she has turned up at his apartment crying, but as he reaches for her to tug her inside and into his arms, paranoia starts to spin in his mind.
It almost immediately comes to a halt, though, instead replaced by confusion and fear when she instead jerks away from him, stepping into the apartment but moving quickly sideways and away from him as she rushes to and collapses down into his couch.
"Courtney, love, are you okay? What's happened?" he asks, wincing at the desperation and fear in his own tone as he moves – much more carefully than she had – to the sofa, sitting down with more space than he'd like to leave between them as confusion at her rejecting his comfort still rattles heavily in his head.
"I'm fine it's not dangerous but it's- I-" she starts, through gasping sobs, completely cutting herself and crying audibly instead as she seemingly can't find the words to continue. It makes Shayne's heart ache in more ways than one: whatever this is, she's reassuring him and he guesses she will be okay by that, but she's still bawling and she's still panicking about something and he doesn't know what-
"Baby, whatever it is, if you can talk about it now or not, it's okay. I'm here, I'm always here for you, and I'd like to hug you but only if you'd like me to," he tries to reassure, carefully, but she curls in on herself and leans her head away from him, facing back off towards his apartment door.
"I'm broken and he broke me and I'm never gonna be me again and I shouldn't have started dating you so soon because I let myself build up this stupid fucking fantasy of a future with you that felt real but now I know it was never possible anyway and I- I-" she rushes out in a tense, messy mumble, Shayne feeling his stomach twist and turn as he tries to make sense of what she's saying.
"Courtney, love, I- I don't know what's happened but you are you, and I love you so much and I want a future with you no matter wha-
"I'm fucking infertile, Shayne. He damaged my fucking ovaries so now they aren't releasing eggs properly and he ruined that for me and I'm not gonna be able to give you kids and that perfect life we wanted and I'm not gonna be enough for you and I don't want to just wait around knowing you'll find someone better eventually that can-" she cuts him off, her tone aggressive and snappy. It makes tears spring to his eyes and his breath catch in his throat, until he, too, rushes to cut her off.
"Courtney, no," he starts, voice heavy with his tears, "I'm so sorry, Court. I'm so sorry that's what happened and I'm sorry you feel like this and I wish I could fix it all for you but I don't need you to give me kids, I just want you. You're everything to me, Courtney, you're everything I've ever wanted and I want my future to be with you before and above anything else, kids could be part of it or they could not but the most important thing to me is you. I love you. I love you so much and I'm sorry this feels like he's taken something from you but I- you're still you, that isn't all of you, and I love you no matter what."
She doesn't reply, but she sniffs sharply, still facing away from him and wrapping her arms tightly around herself. Her tears and his echo in the silence around them, and he silently hesitates, watching her squeeze herself in a hug for a moment before deciding to shuffle across the couch and reach for her again, tugging her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her.
YOU ARE READING
Safe
Fanfiction"I got you, Court. You're safe. You're gonna be okay," he tells her in almost desperate reassurance, barely above a whisper and feeling his words stumble slightly as his breath hitches. She seems to push closer in response, her tears flowing freely...
