It's another week later that Courtney finds herself sitting on her sofa mid-afternoon on Saturday, thumb hovering over the keyboard on her phone screen – her phone that Ian had eventually allowed her to pay half of, at least, now with a new number but all her contacts and data restored – with Shayne's texts open. Thoughts swirl through her mind, and as much as they move slowly and calmly and clearly, they twist themselves in knots and tug at her self-esteem. She knew she was going to feel like this, she knew there would be moments were she fell back into all the horrible things he'd said about her and all the people she loved. It probably didn't help, either, that she'd finished the stronger painkillers the previous day and switched onto a standard one, and her chest hurts just enough to be noticeable, and her stomach is still a mottled, off-putting green that makes her feel gross.
But she knows if she texts Shayne she's just fishing for compliments she knows he'll give, and maybe that's weird and too dependent on him but- fuck it. She needs the reassurance to feed back into her mind and push out all the things her ex had said.
"I feel like I don't deserve how perfect you are," she types, simply, hitting send and trying to empty her mind as she watches Shayne almost instantly start typing a response, and a long one, at that.
"You deserve the world, Courtney. You are the most amazing, stunning, wonderful person I've ever known. I love you with everything I have. You deserve to be respected like every person does. You deserve to be loved and adored and cared for, to be told how amazing you are, to have good friends to laugh with and enjoy being around, to be celebrated for your wins and have as many hugs as you want for any reason and I will always treat you as perfectly as I can manage, because that's what you deserve. I love you," his reply is deep and almost rambling in its honesty, and it brings a tear to her eye - but a happy one, as it nestles comfortably into her heart. She taps his contact name, immediately starting a FaceTime call that he accepts straight away.
"Hey Shania," she whispers, softly, smiling through the handful of tears leaking down her face. He gives her a lopsided, affectionate grin that she is growing to know well.
"Hey Courtney, love. Not feeling good today?" he prompts, and she nods slowly.
"I finished the hospital painkillers yesterday and I'm taking normal ones now but my ribs still hurt a little again and I look so gross with all the bruising on my stomach and it just made my mind dive into everything and everything he convinced me," she mumbles, glancing down away from the phone screen, "sorry."
"Hey, no apologies, and I'm sorry you're feeling gross today, but that's going to happen sometimes, and I'm always here to help in any way I can, okay?" he responds, gently. She nods, wiping away the tears on her cheeks and taking a deep, stabilising breath as she glances back up to meet his eyes through the phone.
"I've been talking to Tara – yesterday and last week – about how I'm going to need to re-learn how to feel like everyone in my life does value me and is there because they want to be, and I can lean on them if I need to and... I think I'm doing okay, especially with Dad and- Liv, with all the cooking she's giving me, I know gifting food is her love language," she explains, before her tone twists a little, "it's all very easy with you because I know you love me and you're honest and you'd never say anything you don't completely believe but- I need to not be completely reliant on you, and sometimes I'm scared I am depending on you too much and just fishing for compliments but- going to you helps so much, everything you say pushes out all the bad stuff and reminds me I'm allowed to think I'm a good person. And maybe it's- okay, to go to you more than anyone else, because you're my person."
"Baby, I think you're doing really well with all of this, with accepting help when you need it from a lot of people, not just me, and you're being incredibly strong going through what you need to alone, too," he reassures, carefully, "talking to me isn't- don't see it as just fishing for compliments, okay? Yes, I am your person, I'm always going to tell you how lovely you are, and it's okay to need that support to undo all the things he put in your mind and it's okay if you go to me for a lot of that. And... can I get really sappy and honest for a moment?"
YOU ARE READING
Safe
Hayran Kurgu"I got you, Court. You're safe. You're gonna be okay," he tells her in almost desperate reassurance, barely above a whisper and feeling his words stumble slightly as his breath hitches. She seems to push closer in response, her tears flowing freely...
