Riley
I wanted to see Ashton again. I wanted to spend more time with him. I wanted to know him more.
I knew that much.
After dinner that night, I figured I'd try to make this work. I had just started to realize that I needed to move on from my father because moping around about it would never bring him back. I knew that sometimes, I would get waves of missing him, though. That's just the way life goes. I would never let go of him forever. But I needed to realize that he was gone. For real.
I knew that much.
Things were in black and white but, they slowly are returning to color right before my eyes. Right? I stayed at home for months without seeing practically anyone in person. And now? I went to dinner with 3 guys! I was making friends again. I hadn't really connected with my old friends in ages. Who knew if they even wanted to talk to me after I ignored them and shut them out for so long?
I made it a point to see them again.
I checked my phone, knowing everyone had already stopped trying to reach me by this time. They knew I'd never pick up or text back. I mostly used my phone to read.
I felt like reading was my escape into the real world outside. Like, instead of actually going out and creating my own memories and experiences, I decided to live everyone else's through words. See other people's views on things, their opinions, without ever really talking to them, just listening. Except when one of the characters does something stupid and I begin talking to either myself, or them -I could never be sure whether I was talking to them or me- about how stupid the stupid thing they did was.
But that's beside the point. The point was, I checked my phone for no reason. I knew Ashton didn't have my number. Or Calum. Or Michael. So what was I supposed to do?
A few days went by after dinner that night, and I was constantly wondering when the next time Ashton showed up at my house again would be. If he even came back...
I began to take more pride in myself. Just a little bit. I smiled some more. I came out of my room a little more often.
The third day after dinner I was laying on my bed listening to music and doodling in a journal. My music was up practically all the way, so I didn't hear Celine come in until I saw her hands on her hips standing in front of my bed.
"Your friend is here to see you." She said it in the most annoyed voice I had ever heard. I got up and turned my music off for the time being. I gathered myself together and prepared myself to see Ashton. I, personally, was surprised he came back.
I walked down the stairs the most cool and collected way I could. I looked up, expecting to see Ashton. Though, I saw an entirely different face.
Savannah, my old best friend from school, was standing by the kitchen table. She looked like she wanted to cry. "Riley?" Her eyes widened as she saw me like she couldn't believe I was really there.
"Hi..." I trailed off, not really knowing what to say. Without consulting me, she came towards me with her arms outstretched, silently asking for a hug. I awkwardly agreed to hug her back. She felt like a stranger. Someone I used to know. I knew everything about her from before everything happened but now, I know nothing of the present.
"I've missed you. So much. I really have," she said into my shoulder. "I missed you too," I simply replied. Now, I felt tears stain my shirt. I made myself not cry. After all, I had already kind of cried myself out. No tears left to shed. "Why did you come?" I asked. It didn't sound so bitter and rude in my head.
"I-I missed you... I wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't seen you in so long, we never make plans anymore. I just really missed you." She said it all while glancing behind me every few milliseconds. I got the hint that either Celine or Katie was standing behind me and Savannah actually wanted to tell me something other than "I miss you."
I nodded my head signaling that I got the point. I pointed upstairs and said, "Let's go sit down in my room." We headed upstairs with me leading the way, although Savannah could have led all her own. Before the accident, she came over all the time. Practically every week.
We got to my room and shut the door. I could tell she was resisting the urge to fall back on my bed like she used to. Instead, she carefully sat down at the edge of it. "So why did you really come?" I asked, crossing my arms. I decided there was no point in trying not to sound bitter. I was basically a bitter person now, anyways.
After the accident, Savannah had tried to visit me and see how I was holding up. I didn't want to see anybody, not even her. I was sort of angry when she finally stopped trying. I don't know if I was angry at myself for pushing her away, or angry at her for not trying harder.
"I came because, Riley, I'm in so much trouble. Ever since you stopped coming to school and we stopped talking, my whole life went downhill. I could never find another real friend. I did so many things I regret. First, I was so alone, I started going to college parties. There was drinking and drugs, of course. It's a college party, what would you expect? And I gave in to peer pressure. I drank and I did drugs and I was addicted. My parents started to notice my changes in behavior and they started to suspect. They had me go to this support group for a few weeks. I got a little better, but after a while it picked up again. My parents blamed themselves. No, not themselves. More like each other. They're so close to filing for a divorce I can feel it. To make matters worse: Recently, I went to another party. I met a guy. And I-well... I'm pregnant."
She was crying now. And I was about to cry, too. Seeing how her seemingly perfect life had fallen to pieces because of me tore me apart.
Savannah was perfect. She was tall, skinny, pretty. She had really light blonde hair and greenish-blue eyes. She had the most loving family ever. Everything seemed just right.
And I ruined it all.
"I guess what I'm saying is that I need you in my life. I need you to help me make decisions. I need you to help guide my life. I need you in my life and I miss my best friend. I miss her so much." She finished and wiped her eyes on her sleeve.
"Savannah, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. Oh my... Savannah we'll get through this." It was me this time who reached for a hug. We were both crying at this point. We were hugging and crying and sniffling.
And we stayed like that for a while.
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New old best friend?
Sorry, not really any Ashton in this chapter.. :(
But soon to come.
Britt Robertson seems like she should play Savannah...
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Lots of love,
Thxtsoluke
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