In Between // phan

Twenty

A few hours later, Phil was was curled up in the backseat of the car that was once again parked across from his dad's university. His body was sore and he knew he was covered in bruises and other marks, but he was happy. He hadn't felt this blissed out in a long time.

And he felt so much better. More whole than he had before. Being with Dan made him feel normal, the way he had before everything had gotten in the way.

Dan was in the drivers seat, singing under his breath to some song on the radio and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Considering the position they had been in not ten minutes ago, he sure seemed to not be fazed. It wasn't fair that Phil could barely move while Dan didn't have a hair out of place.

"I still think this is pointless." Phil mumbled against the seat tiredly. He didn't even bother opening his eyes. "I don't think he's gonna do anything majorly life changing in the next two days."

"Well it's not my rule." Dan said, glancing back at him through the mirror and smirking. "You'll have to take it up with the Highers."

Phil didn't reply. They both knew that he wasn't the hugest fan of the Highers.

After a few more moments of almost tense silence, Phil pushed himself up off of the seat, leaning towards Dan tiredly. "What if-"

"There he is." Dan cut him off, and Phil automatically tensed up. He was much more alert than he'd been two minutes ago.

He needed to stop this. He could barely function as it was between this job, the recurring memory flashes and the infamous Patty Walters apparently out to get him. It was no wonder Dan was always so damn cautious around him.

"I want to talk to him." Phil muttered quietly, but Dan still heard him.

"You know you can't."

"Well maybe I don't give a shit about the Highers and their stupid rules." Phil said, glaring at his fathers figure as it passed by. "I can't do this, Dan. Not when I haven't even seen him for eight years, and he's making me crazy, and he hasn't even done anything. I feel really fucking useless and pathetic, alright?"

"Phil, there's nothing you can do about this." Dan said, turning around in his seat and tangling their fingers together. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry you have to go through this and I'm so sorry there's nothing I can do about it, either. I feel the same way, you know, about you. But we just have to wait and finish this."

Phil stared at him for a moment, and shook his head. "I just can't." He said. And before he could chicken out, it Dan could stop him, he ripped their hands apart and pushed the car door open, practically jumping out of it, and chasing after his dad. He heard Dan mutter 'fuck', and another door slam, and Dan was following him, not even trying to stop him.

His heart was racing and he could hardly breathe, his throat constricting from nerves and anxiety. What was he doing? This was a mistake, such a bad idea, he was regretting this. But he couldn't turn back now, no, he was too far in for that.

"Dad." There was a second of tense silence, where Phil stopped where he was and waited as his father paused, and turned to face him. There wasn't anyone else around, Phil could only be talking to him.

"I think you have me confused with someone else." The older man said with a small smile, and turned to walk away again.

"I don't. I-" Phil took a deep breath. "It's me, it's... Phil. Your son."

His father faced him again, his eyes wide and filled with a number of different emotions. Sadness, surprise, guilt. Fear. Phil just stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Philip. I-"

"I don't..." Phil interrupted. "I don't really want to hear anything you might want to say to me. I don't care about your apologies or explanations for my childhood. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here. And I'm doing great, even though you were the worst kind of father."

"Phil, I'm sorry." His dad said, moving closer to him. "The way I was, back then, I'm sorry. That wasn't-"

"Stop it." Phil growled. His hands were shaking at his sides and he could barely keep from yelling. "I'd always hated you after that. I always wondered, why you didn't love me enough to keep me. Why you didn't feel the need to ever come and check up on me, years later."

"It was... it was your mum, Phil." His dad pleaded, reaching a hand out, but Phil pulled away. "I couldn't even deal with myself at that time."

"I was six!" Phil shouted. He was too far gone now to make any reasonable decision. "Six years old, and I was taking care of myself! I had nobody." He huffed out angrily, trying to calm down. "And here you are now, living a good life, yeah? Got a job, no kids or wife to worry about-"

"Don't say that to me." His dad said, looking just as angry now as Phil felt. "Don't you think for a second that I never cared about you, or her. I tried. I got better, and I tried to find you, so I could apologize sooner. Things got on the way, I had too many other things to worry about, and... and I started losing hope."

"Well thanks so much for trying, dad." Phil sneered.

"Phil." Dan said quietly. Phil had almost forgotten he was there. "We need to go."

"I hope the rest of your life is absolutely perfect." Phil said thickly. "I hope it makes feel like you've accomplished something. Because being a father? That, you've failed so horribly at."

He stood there for a second longer before grabbing Dan's hand and pulling him back to the car. He climbed into the backseat again and laid down, burying his face into the seat. He heard Dan get back into the drivers seat, and the car started, and they were leaving.

Not a word was said the entire time, not until they were back home, and Phil was curled up against Dan's chest under their blankets. Dan stroked his hair gently.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Dan asked softly, his breath rustling the top of Phil's hair.

"What, you mean when you were trying to decide whether to kill me or not?" Phil replied, and Dan's chest shook with laughter.

"That's beside the point." Dan said. "Back then, you were this... seventeen year old boy, who would read all day and ignore everybody around you. And who couldn't even look at me without blushing."

"I was a loser back then." Phil said, digging his fingers into Dan's shirt.

"You're still a loser." Dan said. "I'm trying to say, that you've changed. A lot. From that shy boy in high school, through that out-of-it phase after the ritual. And now, I just watched you stick up for yourself in the best way possible. I think... I think I fell even more in love with you, then."

Phil sighed shakily, closing his eyes to stop them from burning. "I love you, too."

Dan kissed the top of his head. "And no matter what happened now, I will always be there with you."

"I know."

~ ~ ~

a/n: this is the first time I've ever written a chapter twenty for my stories.

Sorry this took so long to update. I've been trying to find the perfect way to word it, but it's finally finished, and I love it. It actually almost over, like three or four more chapters? Give or take.

But, how was it? It's wasn't horrible or anything? Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll see you next time. Peace :3

Also! Just in case any of you still don't know, I'm working on another story ( wahey!) so go check it out maybe? Yes? No? Please? Okay. It's called Before, and warning, it had way more feels than anything I've very written if you can believe that. Yeah, okay, that's all. Bye!