Ziphozethu

55

When they left it felt like I could breathe again. Sitting there smiling and laughing took so much energy. I needed to escape.

"MaZulu? MaZulu!" I was sitting on the floor up against my bed so Nozipho couldn't see me. "Yep, I'm right here." She ran to my side of the bed and let out a breath of relief when she saw me. "Okay, you're here." She was completely out of breath and she look terrified.

"Are you okay?" She nodded. "Moses came in here and said you weren't here. We looked all over the house and we couldn't find you. Didn't you hear us calling?" I shook my head. "MaZulu, it's morning. Where have you been?" I owed them an explanation even though I didn't want to.

"I slept under the bed." I felt like a child explaining what happened to their parent about where I've been all night. "Why?" That feeling was coming back. My chest felt tight and with each breath it felt like I was getting less and less air.

"Um..." My voice was shaking and my eyes started to tear up. "I couldn't breathe." I felt a sharp pain in my chest. "Tight spaces help." She sat down next to me. "Do you feel that way now?" I nodded grabbing onto my chest. "Okay, turn around. I'm going to hold you okay." I did as she said. I turn d with my back to her and she held onto me tightly.

"Breathe with me. Come on. In and out. In and out." I copied her. "Did you..." It was Moses. I couldn't even look at him. I was too embarrassed. They were probably up all night worried about me and I was sleeping under my bed. I closed my eyes tightly hoping that the world would swallow me.

"Zethu, come on. Breath. Breath with me Zethu. In and out. As easy as that. Try. Just try." I couldn't. My ears started ringing and my head started aching. "Come on." She was begging me but I couldn't and I didn't know why. The burning sensation in my lungs felt good. "Moses." I heard her whisper.

"Mamakhe, open your eye. Open your eyes Mamakhe." I was too embarrassed. I couldn't. He held my hands. "Come on. I know you can. You're one of the strongest people I know. You can do this. We're here to help you. Please let us help you."

I opened my eyes slowly. "There you go. Now follow me. Breathe in and out.  That's the only thing you have to focus on. In and out. Come on. We've got you." I slowly started copying him until I was breathing properly. "There you go. Do you want me to let go?" I shook my head. "Okay, I've got you. I've got you okay." I nodded. 

I spent the rest of the day hiding in my room from embarrassment. "MaZulu you need to eat. Come on." I stayed in my bed. I didn't want to burden them anymore than needed. I heard murmurs and then my key fell out of the lock and the lock turned. 

"MaZulu." It was Moses. I turned around to face the other way. I heard the door shut and he got in bed with me. "I love you." I started crying quietly. "Mamakhe, please." The hurt in his voice was too much for me to handle. I turned around and he didn't hesitate to hold me. "I'm sorry." I said and cried into his chest. "No, Mamakhe. You don't need to apologize." I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry." I held onto his shirt tightly. "Shh, Mamakhe. Shh. I'm here. I'm here for you my love. For anything at anytime of day. I love you." He's voice was so soothing. "I love you too. I love you."

The next few days it was like they were walking on eggshells around me. I watched tv the whole time and I watched where they could see me. They were walking up and down and taking turns to check up on me.

By the end of the week I was getting slightly annoyed but I also had to remind myself that these people loved me and they were worried about me. I saw Moses doing his rounds and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Moses!" I called out to him. He looked nervous but I didn't want to scare. "You called?" He asked nervously. "Come watch tv with me." He blinked rapidly. "Me?" He asked and I nodded. The smile on his face made me smile. He sat next to me and I rested my head on his shoulder. His body was so stiff so I decided to hold his hand and he relaxed. We sat there and held hands until we fell asleep.

The next couple of days Nozipho went back to work and Moses and I spent our days together. I was hoping we could get back to what we once we're.

"Guess who's back home!" Nozipho came in with Buhle on her hip. Buhle squealed and ran to me when her mother put her down. "Mama!" I hugged her tightly and she laid her head in my neck. "I've missed you baby." She giggled. "Wuv you." She said and kisses me. "I love you too."

"MaZulu, this is my mother, Nolitha. Ma this is MaZulu." I stood up and shook hands with her. She was dressed in a matching yellow set. It was my first time meeting her but she looked like the snobby rich aunt type. "Nice to finally meet you, MaZulu. Moses." She said and looked him up and down. "Ma." He said awkwardly. "My daughter has invited me to stay the night. Do you have a problem with that?" She side eyed him. "Not at all. I'm glad you've come to visit." She just hummed in response and we sat down for dinner.

Even though Buhle could feed herself she wanted me to feed her and I didn't mind at all. "You're spoiling her again." MaDlamini warned. "Can you blame me? Just look at her. She's perfect." She smiled showing the few teeth she had.

I gave Buhle her bath and put her to bed. I was in my room rubbing lotion all over my body when Moses walked in. "If I'd known Buhle would make you this happy, I would've told MaDlamini to go and get her sooner." I held onto his hand. "Buhle is not the only reason why I'm so happy."

The next morning I went jogging with MaDlamini. When we got back to the house we were all over the internet again. Someone had taken pictures of us. "Do these people not get bored?" I was extremely annoyed. "Even at five in the morning with no makeup these two women are absolutely gorgeous." A vlogger said on MaDlamini's phone. "How did they even get this 'story' out there so quick. We just got back."

"You two need to stay off social media when you're trending. It's just going to end up upsetting you. Anyway, I'm having security look into this because it's a violation of privacy. Also, my mother keeps calling me. If she starts calling you just ignore her."

His phone rang again and he rolled his eyes. "If this is her I'm not going to be responsible for my actions. She's blocking work calls." He looked at his phone but then answered it.

"Brother, how are you doing?" He said cheerfully. His mood swings were sometimes worse than mine. "Oh, we'll have to come as well. Send me a list of what's needed."

Something was wrong. I just knew it. "Moses?" MaDlamini asked concerned. She knew something was wrong too. "My grandfather passed away last night." Grandfather? More and more family members keep crawling out of the woodworks.