Toni POV
Traci just got some news that really can change the dynamics of our entire family forever. She's not doing well and I don't know what that means for her future. This has really really broken me to my core, I'm stressed, sad, overwhelmed and filled with anxiety and fear. Not only is Traci dealing with some issues, my Physician recently revealed some not so great news to me also... regarding my heart. Lupus is something I have to live with for the rest of my life unfortunately, and I am trying my best to do everything right. I'm eating right, exercising daily, taking my medication as required and trying to keep my stress level low..... yet STILL I can't win. I feel so defeated and so hopeless.
I'm also afraid to be completely transparent with Bryan about all thats going on with me, because I am afraid to lose him. I often feel insecure and worried because I'm not always at 100% due to my health. He's extremely patient and understanding with me, but it's important for me that he still finds me sexy and attractive not this sickly woman that he's responsible for.......I don't give him enough credit though, because he can totally sense that there is something going on with me. I've been distant and disconnected, restless and sometimes rude..yet, he still loves me and tries his best to support me. He thinks it's just mood swings, but I have so much I'm dealing with internally that sometimes I feel like I'm going to break.
I'm trying to be strong for everyone while I'm slowly dying inside. I've abandoned my business ventures, I haven't been in the studio and I don't even want to look at social media. I'm feeling all of these things while trying to be 100% mom, 100% wife, daughter and sister. Most days I can handle it all, but today is tooo much.
Bryan POV
I'm on my way home and I'm looking forward to seeing my wife. She's been Trippin a lot lately and I'm not sure why. I don't know if she's still mad at me, if she wants me to spend more time with her or something but she's been so distant when I am there so I don't know. I try to be patient and understanding because I know she's uncontrollably sick sometimes and women have those emotional issues during that time of the month but something seems really off. We haven't made love is almost 3 weeks, but I ain't trippin because she may not be feeling well.
Bryan arrives at home to find Toni in a satin robe cooking dinner. She appears to be in a good mood and she's on the phone with one of her sisters.
Bryan walks in and hugs Toni from behind and kissed her cheek.
Toni: Okay, let me call you back... Bryan's home.
Toni turns around and hugs Bryan and kisses his lips.
Toni: Mmmmm, hi honey!
Bryan: Hi Beautiful, how you feeling?
Toni: I'm okay, babe. How was your day?
Bryan: It was aight..... I missed you though.
Toni: You didn't call me!
Bryan: Check your phone baby, I called and texted you. You've probably been on the phone all day and you didn't even notice.
Toni: I'm sorry baby, I just have so much going on.
Bryan: Do you want to talk about it?! I would love to hear what's on your mind.
Toni: Not really babe, I've been dealing with it all day long and you bring me peace. I just want to relax and enjoy you tonight.
Bryan: Okay, but I want to know what's going on with you. I know you and I know something isn't right. But I will be patient and wait until you're ready to talk........So what's for dinner?
Toni: Steak, mashed potatoes and asparagus
Bryan: It smells good baby, I can't wait to eat. And I can't wait to have you for desert!
