shrek x reader😩

😃

With a yawn, you open your eyes and rub the crusty shit that built up overnight out of your caca orbs. You look over to your right and see the shrexy booger you had sum fun with last night still asleep, snoring his arse off😍

"Shreddy?" You ask him
He opens up his musty eyes and stares into yours and says, "Yes my smexy hot cheeto baba grill?"

"Are you going to be boiling the Norwegian children in the fourth basement this time?"

Don't ask why they have numerous basements.

"But y/n, im still tired from last night, can you do it instead? I'll promise an extra supply of whale shit for your teeth🥺"

Obviously you couldn't resist his cute viruscore booger face so you boiled 7 of the 500 Norwegian children for breakfast that morning.

Fast forward to around 12 pm, you and shrek cum daddy are flying to Pakistan to kidnap more kids there for the ball that night. #notillegalipromise😁

Suddenly, as you're kidnapping the final 983rd pakistani child, a shadowy figure spins you around and holds your face.

"Hey hothoe. Wanna have some fun?"

It's Barney, your ex and Shrexy daddy's mortal enemy.

"Don't tell boogershit I was here. Keep a secret, can you?" He says, as he runs his crusty dusty musty chonky purple fingers through your crusty dusty musty chonky caca hair (that fortunately compliments your disgusting caca eyes).

"Sh-", but before you could even call shrekky wekky milk hoe's name, Barney
covers your mouth with his sexy diseased fingers and says," I know hunnie hoe, let's play hide and seek. We'll be the hiders, your smexy booger norovirus hump daddy can be the seeker. And I know how he can never ever find us..." he whispers into your waxy ear as he grabs your wrist.

Part 2 or summin when I want bc its 12 am and the bags under my eyes just keep getting bigger waowoawowowo🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩