Nothing cheap feeling is when you couldn't love yourself anymore. An expensive love I want to deal; expensive love I want to feel; expensive crush where I want to face, though the same time of it I heal.
Nothing could wreck plenty of emotions installed inside of me, creating emotion day by day when you look at the reflection and still not accepting the fact that I'm looking forward to a monster. Something just change and some things just stays the same, I don't know which one to use or if I could use both of it. I want to heal. I'm ugly, pathetic and worthless. What more sad is I'm a hopless person, unfaithful, though loyal. I can be loyal to my surroundings, to people, but just not to myself.
Nothing I could carry anymore or find solutions than to drunk myself from alcohols. Peeing time to time was a lot to handle, but I'm more loving to handle it if it means to dive directly into hallucination, to sleep, and a weapon that I could use, that can make me forget of who I am. Confidence just overflow when I'm a bit taken too much by drinking, I never would have thought that I'm more confident over doing stupid things than having the confidence to look at the mirror drunk and maybe, maybe able to love who I am: outside and inside.
Nothing feels good, feels right. I couldn't be as beautiful as the sky when they run places by places, forming faces, letters, and figures: I couldn't form what to say, what to speak, how to come in and out, I couldn't figure my mind, people been reading me wrong, places to places I've been yet somehow I still felt like I'm going to somewhere no home. I couldn't sound good and bring calmness as the rain goes, they sing so good that sounds like a lullaby to every drops from atmosphere, they drop so sweet and felt so cold that people out of no where can dance and felt like no one's watching: I couldn't make a person felt cold at the same time warm, they don't fall in love, fall asleep on my sound forming on my throat, I'm no good offering tranquility because I had been trained good for only giving out trouble, I don't drop sweets because I know it only taste bitter.
I couldn't be as peaceful as the wind, they can held you so safe and quiet, they crawl onto skin making your body hair stand up and make you feel something you want to feel forever, they whisper whole buzzing in your ears that makes you not want to stop hearing it: I couldn't even whisper mine, I don't know how to make someone feel safe and quiet let alone do it to myself, I can't make someone's body hair stand up because clearly let's face it, I'm not good in my sentences and compliments. I only blurt negative words, though they are true but I know it's better to lie to someone's eyes than telling them what really is the truth so I wouldn't have the guts to watch them suffer from pain, anger, and disappointments.
