Our people

chapter II: Be here for it

You would think that fear would conquer everthing, not when you would have her...
Sometimes she felt as my only friend. Jayla... jayla was more than a friend. She was everything to me and to know everyday at the same time I would get a hug from her, that was the best part of my day. Her dark brown hair and her colorful eyes that I always would get lost in made me think that I no longer thought of her as a friend but more.

We knew eachother since middle school but it felt like we knew eachother for longer. God. She made me nervous and loved which was different than any crush I've ever had. I noticed I became touchy more than I should've become around her. It was bad for me to think this way, right?

She had went through alot, just like me. I just- what drew me into her? Was it her jokes or her sudden aggressiveness that just made me want to piss her off even more? Nothing could explain why I became so happy with her.

I miss her.

She was the typical raging lesbian of our days. I remember the one time she crushed on a dude while being so gay, it was hilarious. We met in 6th grade, and we held eachother so tight everday and I-  nevermind.

It was just us 2 goofballs and that's all that mattered for years. She was patient, loyal, and so sweet everything I loved about her. And she was absolutely beautiful to me and whoever said otherwise should fight me.

And anyone who was too flattering would meet the floor.

"Hey!" I laugh, I sounded awful. Why was my voice so deep. "Hey" she chuckled. Why was she so gorgeous and flawless? And I don't know why I did but I hugged her. "Today Was shit" I laughed lightly. She was so warm and cozy. "Really? I hope your okay" she sighs. "Yeah, you made it better" I hummed and my arms were around her neck my face nuzzled in her neck. Did I just flirt? Of course I fucking did.

One thing about me was I never flirted before but after leaving and hiding for a total of 16 months. I adapted some sort of a new personality, honestly I had two personalities.

I was like 2 people in 1 body. With parents That made you feel so insecure while I wanted to dress like I was myself. I wanted to dress up to make me happy with my body.

"You should've been here for it" I whisper and beneath my arms there was no one. Because in reality everyone I built myself around was gone by now. Atleast as so I thought.

"You should've been here for it" and there I went running to my lousy bus that had called me more names than in the dictionary. I sat down, there was shouting in the bus and typical people who sat in the back mocking others who tried to sit in the back with them to seem "cool". I never really understood the concept of the back of the bus. Was it because of the 1 seater seat or the big ass window making you feel like you were falling? I liked that affect.

The falling affect to which if you felt alone and nobody was around you would go through this feeling of falling off the bus and make you feel fear for a split second till someone would bother you about sitting there. There was nothing more annoying than teenage boys telling what to do with your life. Honestly if I had bigger nerves I would've loved to punch the fat idiot infront of me who Made fun of me. Simply in my mind I would just say "kill me" and jump off the bus now.

You should've been here for it.

Because right now staring blankly at the boy and rolling my eyes at what he says. You should've heard what I had the nerves to say,

"fuck off"