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Days repeated and hugs were exchanged. It felt weird how fast I adapted over and over with the same things just new topics and I soon my first ever dance would be coming up.
There was rushing to get dresses for the dance. Dresses on the floor at most than actually buying them. It was all about having the most slutiest dress to wear which necessarily wasn't going to make the cut for me. It was a rush for time and dates and to my parents that wasn't allowed. I would've loved to ask her but I didn't... I never had felt so worried about 1 night with just my friends finally being able to do something by myself.
I didn't want to wear a dress, entirely I wanted a suit to wear. But I wanted the suit to give me and I would feel so happy to be there in an outfit I felt confident in to which I would prance around in.
I felt out of place in a dress and felt nothing more but afraid of femininity that came with wearing this dress. I hated it because it wasn't me at all.
The dress was black and a bit of red and I had guessed it was alright, our dance was a day before Halloween so the theme was horror and it was my favorite time of the year. Horror movies and anything weird was my cup of tea because I loved weird.
You would think right now standing in the dressing room "jack what are you thinking wearing something like that?" But I had to go with what my parents believed in. My parents weren't fully bad they just had betrayed me way too many times that the walls had to tumble back down just to please them again only for them to blame me for other things instead and believe me I cried alot about it too.
I was nervous and excited, was this going to be the night something might happen between me and jayla or was it just nothing and I was delusional as hell? But what could say about it?
It was constant nerves running through me and my heart was beating fast and heading to the salon getting my hair done in reality I wanted almost a short guy style haircut. I didn't want wavy long curls and becoming a princess infront of everyone, I wanted to be me in total.
I didn't need high heels, I wanted converse and a all black suit and short hair that went well. That was hard to explain to my parents and if I did explain there would be different treatment and it would spread quickly through the family like wildfire. I hated that.
I swore my heart dropped when I was in the car and saw the school and seeing my friends was exciting and something so memorable. It was memorable...
I walked towards my friends each of them on my side and it all seemed perfect at first at first sight. Looking back at the whole night stung because after that night I lost someone important to me.
It was dark with neon hints around and tacky halloween decorations and somewhat good food if you didn't mind biting into a toothpick while eating a piece of chicken.
There was too much going on and there was crowds and I couldn't really understand if this was like a highschool dance or more of a nightclub by the way there were kids making out and smoking weed in every corner or behind the black curtains that covered around the area.
It was over at midnight and after fall break I would've loved to die. Because life would soon be absolute shit to me and I would mess my life up so much.
There was no suit and ties at the dance no it was more of freddy kuegar costumes for the boys and skimpy tiny dresses for girls mostly, there was no class all I saw that night was plenty of skin and high teenagers or people who just got dumped by their loved one or the really depressed teachers watching the dance go on probably remembering the time they had as teenagers and how their life probably down graded by tons.
The dance was basically all about looking completely unrecognizable or looking like a hooker to get noticed by anyone out of your friend group and me? Well I was the chubby white girl who craved nothing more than to sit in the corner and eat away my problems but I danced and I watched the door promising to meet with jayla once she gets there.
And it was hours and hours and I waited and waited and she wasn't there, I texted and there finally was a response. She finally came.
