INT. MANSION—DAY
Two chairs sit in the middle of a black room. Along the borders of the room are members of the Groom War's staff: writers, assistants, cameramen, lighting crew, security, and a producer. SHY EDWARDS, a small Native-American woman stands in the centre of crew, holding a notebook. She stares at the door.
It opens and two people walk in, Adriel and CADMUS. Cadmus is a tall man with beige skin. He's handsome with black hair carefully swept to one side. The two participants sit in the chairs.
ADRIEL
We had a plan. We were supposed to maintain a low profile.
CADMUS
I don't get why you're angry with me when you ruined that plan first. Everyone knows who you are—if not your name, they can at least describe your girlish face.
ADRIEL
They know who I am, but they underestimate me because I'm so small. They think 'oh, he's so cute and small; he's like a girl; he's not dangerous at all.' It's part of my game plan. I want them to look down on me, then, when they least suspect it, I'll knock them out.
CADMUS
I thought you hate being compared to a girl or called cute.
ADRIEL
I do. But in this case, I can use it to my advantage.
CADMUS
I guess we are all hypocrites and liars then.
ADRIEL
This game is all about appearances and using your opponents' flaws against them.
CADMUS
I know that. I told you that.
ADRIEL
Then, why did you go out there and piss the marquesses off by calling them ill-bred?
CADMUS
They said I had intercourse with my mother.
ADRIEL
They called you a 'mother fucker'?
CADMUS
That is the very phrase they used. They insulted both my mother and me, so I returned the favour.
ADRIEL
Oh.... I was mad at you originally, but now I get why you did it... but how did it even get to that? Why were you talking to them?
CADMUS
I was drinking tea, and while I drank tea, I had this idea; what if you had your alliance with your roommates, and I had and alliance with the marquesses. If we did that, we could have protection from both sides.
ADRIEL
It was a good idea, but the execution was poor....
Adriel frowns and studies Cadmus.
ADRIEL (CONT'D)
Why are you here by the way? The you that I know wouldn't willingly participate in something like this. You're not a people person.
CADMUS
My mother tried to set me up with various women and I rejected them for one reason or another. The thing is I have a lot of pet peeves.
ADRIEL
I'm aware.
CADMUS
Right, so I guess she thought, since I refused to marry an actress, and a singer, I would marry a princess.
ADRIEL
Have you met the princess?
CADMUS
No. But if I don't like her, and I win the game, I'll pass her on to whoever got second place.
ADRIEL
Ah. That makes sense. It's a douchebag move, but it's totally you.
CADMUS
The thing is my mother wants grandchildren. She keeps showing me pictures of these chubby, laughing babies; they are ghastly and hideous creatures. And even if they aren't as bad as they look, I'm not sure if I want to be responsible for another living thing. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish before I die, and I don't see where children fit in this plan.
ADRIEL
I, for one, disagree with you. I think babies are cute. I would love to have one. Not my own, they're too fussy for my taste. But if any of my sisters have one, I'll hold it for a second, cuddle it, then give it back to her.
CADMUS
They look like aliens; they're all out of proportion, and their heads are like basketballs.
Cadmus glances at Adriel.
Adriel laughs
CADMUS (CONT'D)
What about you? Why are you here?
ADRIEL
I'm mostly here for the money, and then, if I'm lucky, I guess, to meet the princess.
CADMUS
Meet her and not marry her? I knew it. You're here for the cash. The travel industry got hit hard with the recent restrictions, didn't they?
ADRIEL
They did. They did. And who knows? Maybe I'll marry her. Maybe I won't.
Cadmus places a hand on Adriel's shoulder.
CADMUS
If you need money, I can loan you some.
ADRIEL
How about giving it to me as a gift?
Cadmus laughs.
CADMUS (fixing his shirt)
Why would I do that?
ADRIEL
Because you have a good heart.
CADMUS
You've told me on multiple occasions that I'm a narcissist with no heart.
ADRIEL
I take it back.
CADMUS (smiling)
No. No. You were right. I don't have a heart.
***
YOU ARE READING
Groom Wars
RomanceIn 2090, 60 years after making himself king of Canada and becoming a tyrant like nothing the Canadians had ever seen, King Victor is old, and his health is failing. After appointing a male heir to the throne, he now looks for someone worthy of his d...
