Leaves of Trees: Konoha Stories

The Incident

(This was originally a NaruHina prompt, but I corrupted it and decided to write a crack story featuring different characters instead. This is very AU, by the way.)

Prompt:

"...why did you kiss her?" she sobbed, nails digging into her skin as her fists clenched tight.

he was ashamed to meet her gaze. he said nothing.

"answer me!" she snapped. "...please."

Tsunade held on to her emotions but the tears slipped down her cheeks unchecked.

She faced Jiraiya across the table. "Why did you kiss her?" she sobbed, nails digging into her skin as her fists clenched tight.

The memory of him a few minutes ago kissing the woman with long dark hair was still fresh in her mind. She'd blinked her eyes, unable to believe that Jiraiya could be so heartless, could be so unbelievably stupid to do something like that right in front of her.

There they were, having fun, enjoying an evening together when everything had changed in an instant. She'd watched as Jiraiya reached an arm nonchalantly to the mysterious person sitting next to him and had started to nuzzle the woman's neck.

But the woman had abruptly stood up, which had sent Jiraiya sprawling facefirst onto the soft cushions of the seat. The woman then left, mumbling something Tsunade hadn't understood.

Jiraiya, though, shook off the rejection and slowly straightened up. He then placed his arms on the table and hung his head, grumbling incoherently to himself.

It seemed to Tsunade as if he was trying to hide his embarrassment and was ashamed to meet her gaze.

"Jiraiya, answer me!" Tsunade snapped as she banged a hand on the table, sending a couple of the sake bottles toppling over with a clink. She hiccupped, realized with grogginess that some of the customers in the izakaya were looking at them with judgemental expressions on their faces.

"Please, Jiraiya," she amended, lowering her voice.

"Huh?" he responded when he finally looked up. He peered intently into her face then blinked a few times. "Oh, it's you."

Tsunade exploded again. "Jiraiya! You and I have been drinking together this entire time!"

Jiraiya shrugged, still unclear and trying to get his bearings.

"And who was the woman you were kissing just a few minutes ago?!"

Startled by her voice, he raised his arms and tried to cover his ears, but without the leverage of the table, he swayed dangerously in his seat. After a few deep breaths, he righted himself.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Jiraiya finally burst out.

He then reached out drunkenly for the bottle of sake in front of him and managed to do it without spilling anything. Pleased with himself, he took a few swigs, but he lowered it gently to the table when he finally saw the tears glinting in Tsunade's eyes and spilling down her cheeks.

He sighed. "Shit. Tsunade, this is why nobody wants to go drinking with you! Are you being emotional? Again?! You are such a sad drunk!"

Tsunade sniffed. "And you're the type who gets really handsy when drunk! Who was that you were kissing just now?"

He frowned. "I wasn't kissing anyone! You must be really drunk if you're seeing things!"

She shook her head. "I saw what I saw! You were all over that woman with the long hair!"

"Oh, my Tsunade. I never thought I'd say this, but Jiraiya's right," came a raspy voice filled with amusement just as a figure slid into the seat next to Jiraiya. "You must be really drunk if what you saw between me and Jiraiya was kissing."

Tsunade stared at Orochimaru, who'd just come back from his trip to the restroom. "That was you?"

Jiraiya tore his attention away from the sake bottle and looked at Orochimaru, his mouth hung open after he sputtered a surprised, "Wha...?"

Orochimaru hissed with laughter, making his long, dark hair shake. Still, he answered Tsunade's question. "Unfortunately, yes. Although, in my defense, I have been a woman in the past."

Jiraiya was still peering owlishly at Orochimaru, shock on his face.

"Fine." Tsunade folded her arms. "Still, why were the of you two kissing?"

Orochimaru's amusement was mixed with scorn. "We weren't kissing! You forgot what happened before all of that. What you saw was Jiraiya grabbing me, trying to force me to arm wrestle him, but he lost his balance and toppled on to me."

Tsunade snorted, her face still held traces of disbelief.

Realization dawned on Jiraiya's face. "Oh, yeah! I remember now! I challenged you because you were taunting me with laughter."

Orochimaru's face twisted with annoyance. "Jiraiya, I wasn't taunting you! You know that alcohol makes me laugh. I can't help it when the giddy laughter comes out."

"Liar. This is what we always do: You provoke me and I respond by trying to pound the shit out of you."

"This is why I didn't want to come here tonight with you guys, but you insist on inviting me all the time."

Jiraiya waved it away and tried to sling an arm around Orochiimaru's shoulder, who promptly tried to bat it away. "What?! You know a night out drinking wouldn't be complete without you!"

Tsunade suddenly let out a small wail. "Stop fighting, you two."

Jiraiya and Orochimaru stopped bickering for a second and stared at the suddenly tearful Tsunade.

"This is pitiful, Tsunade. Pull yourself together," Orochimaru huffed. He saw that she was about to take another drink from the sake bottle and reached out to stop her from doing so. "That's it. You're done for tonight. It's time to go home."

He looked up just in time to see Shizune walking into the pub. "Besides, the voice of reason has finally made an appearance for the night."

"There you are!" Shizune cried when she saw Tsunade. "I looked all over for you! I should have known you'd leave work early today. This always happens when Orochimaru and Jiraiya are back in town."

She looked at the sake bottles on the table and counted twelve. She frowned then looked at the Sannin in turn. Tsunade was busy wiping away her cheeks. Jiraiya's face was knotted into a frown of concentration, but his hand was busy poking Orochimaru's shoulder. He, meanwhile, was trying to suppress a smile, but a hiccup, and then a giggle escaped him.

Shizune shook her head and gave a prayer of thanks that all three were in a pub in Konoha, where the citizens were more forgiving. She hated to know what others would say when they saw them now: The Legendary Sannin, an emotional drunk; a touchy drunk, and a happy drunk.

Still, she helped Tsunade up and crooned soothingly, "Tsunade-sama, time to go home." She then glanced at Orochimaru, who seemed to be the sanest out of all of them. "I'm dropping her off at her place, are you doing the same for Jiraiya-sama?"

Orochimaru nodded then yelped when Jiraiya stood up and draped an arm over his shoulder. "I guess I'm taking this fool back to his place, too."

Shizune nodded and then left with Tsunade.

"Oh, Shizune, you have no idea what I saw tonight..."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama..."

The two men looked at the departing women, then got up, and started walking towards the exit, too.

"The humiliation you have inflicted upon me this night, Jiraiya," Orochimaru began.

Jiraiya cracked an eyelid open and then snorted with disdain. "Oh, please, I could say the same about you."

Orochimaru ignored that and continued with his complaining. "And now the ultimate embarrassment is me having to haul your carcass home."

Jiraiya only lifted a silver brow. "You know, for somebody who's been protesting so much this night about not kissing, your lips are really soft."