Open Heart

Chapter 37: For Better Or For Worse

Ajayi, God bless you!!! I see your votes. You are greatly appreciated. ❤️

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"GOOD MORNING, SAMUEL!"

I had heard shuffling in the living room and looked back to confirm if he was there. He was there and shirtless with those grey sweatpants on.

Eyes open wide, I whipped back around and added the last touches to the antioxidant smoothie bowl I was making.

This morning after praying, my spirits had brightened. I planned to go through this in faith. No more false smile. No more hesitations. No more overthinking.

"Hi," he greeted.

Ignoring the flatness in Samuel's one-worded reply, I rested his smoothie bowl on the table for him.

"This will help boost your immune system," I told him as I sat in the opposite direction from where I placed his breakfast.

Tentatively, Samuel sat down. He grimaced as he did this. I wanted so badly to rush to his aid, but I also didn't want him to feel as though I was coddling him.

"Did you sleep well, Samuel?"

"Hmm."

Taking this as a sign to shut up, I continued eating my smoothie bowl. Five spoons into mine, I noticed that Samuel never made a move to eat his breakfast, and when he eventually did it was as though an invisible force was weighing his hand down.

Discouraged, Samuel rested the spoon down in defeat.

I couldn't tell if this was a symptom of his TBI or if lifting his hand hurt his ribs. Not wasting time to ponder on which of the two it was, I sat on the chair closest to Samuel.

I took a spoonful of the smoothie and brought it to his lip, but he rejected it. His eyes never met mine.

"Samuel, please. Let me help you." There was no enthusiasm in my voice nor did I intend for it to be there. My tone was pleading and desperate. I wanted Samuel to hear it.

If he didn't eat, he couldn't take his medications. If he didn't take his medications, his health wouldn't improve.

I didn't want that for himself or myself.

Seeing Samuel be the best version of himself physically, mentally, and emotionally was important to me.

"Please," I repeated softly.

Slowly, Samuel opened his mouth and allowed me to feed him. He'd opened when I brought the spoon to his lips and ate without further refusal. For the entirety of that time, his eyes were glued forward.

When he was done, I gave him his medications.

Pleased by how that went, I thanked him. Still, he didn't look at me nor did he respond.

I turned the chair I was sitting on towards Samuel. Gently, I took hold of his hands.

"We're going to do some slow deep breathing exercises," I warned. "Just do as I do."

We did the exercise for about five minutes. When we were done, I went to finish eating my smoothie bowl.

"I'm going to prepare your bath for you."

Samuel didn't verbally respond to me, but a shake of his head made it known to me that he heard me.

Earlier, I had bought a few of Dr. Teal's Epsom bath soaks. For this morning's bath, I chose to use the calm and serenity soak bath that had rosemary oil in it.

I had opened the windows and allowed as much light that can get through to shine in the bathroom.

When everything was set, I went for Samuel. Although I instructed him to take off his clothes, he didn't. Honestly, I found a little humor in how he couldn't remember anything, but his brain somehow remembered to be uncomfortable being naked in front of someone.

"I promise I won't harm you. I'm just going to give you a relaxing bath." I made a move to pull down his pants, but he held unto it tightly. With a sigh, I stepped back.

"Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll turn around while you take off your clothes and then turn back around when you're in the tub. Deal?"

Samuel put his chin up.

Assuming that he was agreeing to the suggestion, I faced the bathroom door. Movements behind me lasted a little over ten minutes.

There were a few times, I heard Samuel grunting but he never asked for help so I didn't turn around. Although this seemed like no big deal, turning without his consent would be betraying his trust. I wanted him to trust me as much as possible.

Finally, Samuel let out a low, "Okay."

Walking towards him, I asked, "Do you want to listen to relaxing music or an audiobook?"

"No."

Assuring him that the ball was in his court, I said, "That's fine." Then, I began massaging his shoulders.

"Why are you doing this?"

His question caught me off guard so I halted in my movements.

"Because you need my help, and I want to be there for you," I eventually answered and continued to give him a massage.

"Why?" he challenged.

"Because...okay."

Summing up my reason was simple but not so simple at the same time. After gathering my thoughts, I attempted to answer his question again.

"Love is dedication, sacrifice, and forgiveness. It was you who taught me that because of love we'd want to do those things. If I can't be here for you when you need me the most then did I ever love you?"

As expected, he didn't say anything so I continued.

"Being in a relationship with you has tested me even up to now, but it's also the first relationship where I feel loved. Samuel, there's a way that you treat me. Hmm."

I had to take a minute because the memory of it was enough to have me in a chokehold.

Starting again, I made sure my words were slow.

"You don't remember this but before the pandemic, I had covid. Everyone thought I was going to die including myself. You weren't only concerned about me but also my family. You said it was best to be with you than at home since there were more people at my parents'. You did everything from feeding me pepper soup and lots of tea, bathing me, and even forcing me to do some exercises though my body was against it."

I itched his scalp as I said, "Samuel, you took such good care of me that it felt like I'd never leave home."

Wait, did I just see him smile?

Laughing, more at what I was about to tell him than thinking I saw him smile, I began to lather his body with the exfoliating washcloth.

"The first night I slept over, we woke up to your bedsheets stained with blood. You can not imagine the embarrassment I felt, but you were mature about the whole situation. You washed the sheets, let me take a shower, and made me a cup of hot chocolate."

I washed behind his ears, and then rinsed him off.

"Your greatest flaw is that you're closed off. It didn't make sense because we talked about a lot of things, but whenever you were angry or something was troubling you, you'd put your guard up."

"Before this though accident, I was starting to see improvements," I told him. "We have been through a lot in our little year of love. And so to finally answer your question, I'm doing this because I'm in love with you Samuel Adedeji Maduku. I love you beyond physicality.  My words won't suffice the love I have for you. I'm doing this because you're my person. For better or for worse."