Chapter 23

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That's it.

Regardless of what happens with Chris, I need to deal with Adam, who is still completely oblivious of the damage he has caused and is laughing away with Keith at the other side of the bar. I'm feeling absolutely furious with him. 

I march over to him. "Sorry to interrupt but I need to talk to Adam. Now." This time my tone is brooking no argument and I think both Adam and Keith are aware I'm not in a mood to be messed with. 

Grabbing his arm, I pull him out to the beer garden, which is quiet apart from a lone smoker at the far end. "What the fuck are you playing at?" I ask angrily.

"Am I not allowed to pop in and see my girl between trips?" He asks, seeming confused. "I thought we had an arrangement."

"I thought our arrangement, if you could even call it that, was that if we were both single, we would hook up.  And usually you would fucking check if that was still the case before turning up and trying to snog the face off me," I fume. "Instead you just turn up in my place of work without any warning and think you can just pick up where we left off, which was over a year ago and I literally haven't even heard from you in that long so . . ." I'm running out of steam now but I need him to hear me.

He holds his hands up to try and stop my rant. "Whoa, look Em, I'm sorry!" He protests. "I should have checked if you were still unattached before I jumped on you, I just didn't think." He winces. "I guess cos you always are single, I've just assumed."

"Ouch," I mutter, stung.

"You know what I mean. You're so . . . Independent."

Somehow that doesn't feel like a compliment.

"Well I'm not single and your behaviour has just fucked things up for me well and truly!" I shout at him. 

"So what's the big deal, it's not like he knows," he shrugs. I honestly want to punch him full strength in the face right now. 

"He was bloody standing there when you kissed me," I say. "So actually he does know, you self-centred prick."

"Oh." He frowns. "Okay, that's not good. I'm really sorry, Em. Is there anything I can do?"

I shrug despondently, the fight leaving my body. "I don't think so. I just have to hope he trusts me enough to realise I'm telling the truth when I hopefully get a chance to tell him what happened between me and you, and that's there's never been anything apart from sex."

It's his turn to say "ouch." I make a face at him like "what did you expect?" and he shrugs too.

"So I guess our arrangement is off the table now?" He chances. I nod firmly.

"Sorry, but regardless of what happens here, we're done." I can't even imagine being with Adam again now. It feels like a different lifetime now. 

"No bother." And, for Adam, it's genuinely no bother, I can tell. I was the easy option for him, just like he was for me. I should be insulted that he's letting it go so easily but all I want to do is make things right, somehow, with Chris.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Just don't know how to fix this. I really like this guy, Adam. I don't want to fuck it up."

"I don't think you have," he says slowly, nodding over my shoulder. "Cos if it's that guy standing behind us, I think he heard it all anyway."

I turn and, sure enough, Chris is right there.

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