Thunder

6

POV George:

I've never hit anyone before and after that one time, I don't intend to do it another time. It not only hurts him, but me too. I abhor violence, and I have never ever wanted to use violence against anyone in any way. But now I am sitting here. The worst part is, that it was someone I love.

You could see the print of my hand on his cheek for the next few days. So, it's not that I've done it and I feel bad. No, I was reminded of it every day now.

Clay forgave me for his part. To be honest, he had expected much worse things. Every day, he reassured me that he wasn't offended. But I just can't live with these thoughts.

During the three days that he was here with me, I hardly spoke to him. We didn't do anything and just avoided each other in my house. Ok, I avoided him. He kept getting my attention. I know I act like a jerk.

Then came the day when he had to fly back. My heart was heavy as lead. Even if I was a big ass and ignored him as best I could for the past few days, I couldn't hold back my emotions that day.

Clay just hugged me and whispered reassuringly in my ear. Just like he always did from the start. I clung to him like a drowning man and didn't want to let go of him. But at some point he broke away from me and with an 'I love you!' got into the taxi.

Now I'm sitting here, five days have passed since then. My daily routine is to lie in bed crying all day. I'm just done with my nerves. I haven't recorded a video, started a single stream, or spoken to anyone since Clay left.

Since I wasn't ready for anything in the days before he left, we didn't do the 'outing stream' either. We generally stopped streaming or recording any videos.

Since I have no motivation for anything, I just stay in bed all day. What else should I do?

The worst part of the whole situation is that I don't know when Clay will be back. Yes, I was angry and hurt, but now I had a lot of time to think about everything. The only thing I want: Him back here. Here next to me. He should hug me, protect me, kiss me.

He texts me several messages a day, but I only answer half of them. After a few messages, mostly small talk, I just get sad. Sad that I was such an ass, sad that I don't know when he's back. But above all, that he is not lying next to me in bed and holding me in his arms.

I hate myself for that. Why do I always exaggerate? Why do I destroy everything that means a lot to me? I mean, if I go over the conversations in my head, I don't even want to know how bad it must have been for Clay. To know that he has to go back, have to leave me.

Lost in thoughts, I lay here in my bed. I didn't even manage to turn on the light. So, I'm lying here in total darkness.

However, that changes when I get a notification that lights up my monitor screen. For a moment, I wonder whether I should just ignore it, but at last I get up swaying and trot the few steps to my desk.

It's a Twitch notification. Actually, I want to turn away again and crawl into bed again, but suddenly, I stand still when I see who is the one streaming right now.

Dreamwastaken is live!

I look at the name in disbelief. I somehow wake up from my shock and pull back my chair. Then I let myself fall on it. My hands are shaking. Just like that, I can still press the small, light green circle until I lean back, exhausted.

The stream builds up slowly. Then finally a Minecraft background appear, his voice can be heard. He greets everyone in the chat as normal and waits, as always, for everyone to receive the notification. Then he opens a new Minecraft world and starts jumping back and forth a little.