My Personal Diary

Tuesday, March 14, 2015

Tuesday.

I hate Tuesdays.

Tuesdays are my therapists appointment days.

I hate my therapist.

When my parents forced me to go to one I hoped it would be a cool black guy like Ricky in secret life of an american teenager. One whom I could build a connection with and could actually hep me!

But no.

No, I got a stupid old lady who only wears men pant suits and has hearing problems and is always asking me to speak up. She has me call her Amy, but I'd prefer not to call her anything.

Usually my dad always takes me to my appointments and he sits in the room with me. Usually I don't talk, so my dad helps to fill the awkward silence. In case you were wondering, I live with my dad and I go see my mom once a week on Sundays for dinner.

Though, I haven't been going since she read my journal. I just can't look her in the eye without wanting to both punch her in vagina and cry my eyes out.

Anyways, due to my dad travelling for work, my mom had to pick me up from school and drive me to my appointment. joy. (note the sarcasm) As soon as I got into the car I already wanted to shoot myself.

"You're late"

"I know I'm sorry I was making up a test."

"God damn it (my name that i'm not telling you!!!!) you fucking did that on purpose so you would be late for your appointment. You know it starts in 5 minutes?"

I didn't respond. I was watching all of the other kids leaving school, walking with their friends, laughing. I was wishing so hard to just pull a Freaky Friday moment and just be somebody else. Anybody else.

My therapist was shocked to see my dad not there. She did not know how to fill the awkward silence. She tried but it didn't work. Honestly my parents are just wasting their money. If i don't want to talk about my problems with somebody whom I've known my whole life what makes them think that i would want to tell my deepest secrets with a complete stranger???

I am a writer. That's who I am. When things get tough and I don't know how to express myself, I write. Not talk.

Anyways, after therapy nothing really happened. Well besides finally talking with Adam.

Adam is the older guy who I slept with. Ever since my parents found out about us everything has been so weird between us. But today he just called me out of the blue and we talked about everything. He apologized for getting me drunk and for letting us have sex. Even though both of those were my idea, but like I said, another story.

Talking to Adam just makes me so happy. I really do like him. He is like my best friend and I've told him everything about my past and he's so cute and protective and i think I am falling in love with him. But i can't see him and that breaks my heart. Talking to him filled my heart with the happiness that it was missing. We plan to continue talking. Anyways, that is all for today, have a good day/night. Stay Strong.

xx, anon.