Adopted by Steve Harvey

Survey Says

I walked through the front door of Mr. Harvey's home; my new one. I struggled under the weight of my suitcase, as well the bags Mr. Harvey got on his shopping spree before we came here. Eleven shirts, nine pairs of slacks, sixteen ties, twenty one pairs of shoes, mustache wax, and a new Coach purse.

He skipped full of joy through the door. Once I got far enough in, I dropped all the stuff. I then heard a high and shrill voice from down below.

"What's that?" I asked. "It sounds like a woman,"

"Ah, ha!" he laughed awkwardly. "Why don't you take out all my clothes and fold them for me, okay, Kat?" He pat my head.

"It's Rat, Mr. Harvey," I say with an attitude.

The look he gave me insisted of scrunched eyebrows and wide eyes. He also crossed his arms and stood with one hip jutted out. "What did you just say to me?"

"My name is Rat!"

"What hell kind of white person name is Rat?!" he spat at me.

"It's short for Rattana, Mr. Harvey, and I'm Asian."

"Uh, uh. Uh, uh." He waved his hands at me. "There are two races; black and white. If you are not black, then you some type of messed up named cracker!"

I groaned. "I thought being here would take me away from my crazy family, but you're down right insane!"

"Insane? Let me survey one hundred people on that."

Mr. Harvey turned me around and shoved me out the door. On his perfectly manicured front lawn were one hundred people smiling big and ready to answer.

"Survey, am I insane?" he asked.

In perfect unison, all one hundred people answered,"No, Steve Harvey, you're perfect!"

He slammed the door shut,"See? Survey is always right. Now fold my clothes."

I sat down on the white tiled floor and opened the first bag,"Mr. Harvey, do you have a family?"

"Nope, my kids be all grown up."

"What about a wife?" That's when I heard that screaming again from below.

He stomped his foot on the floor a few times and the shrieking ceased. "Uh, she's around here somewhere."

"Can I meet her?"

His eyes got wide again. "Nah, s-she dead."

His cell phone rang and he quickly answered it. "Hello? Aw, what? But it's my day off! I don't give a damn about what those trailer trash Smiths want! Uggghhhh, fine, I'll be there." He hung up.

"Shit, kid! I need a family to play!"

"How about my family? They can act black for you."

"I don't give a banana's shenanigans what they act like, they gonna play the feud."

I stood there at the panel in complete fear. Next to me was Hillary, then Anthony, then Blanche, and lastly Soot looking like he was about to shit his pants. He didn't look scared, something just told me he wanted to shit his pants. Hillary was in her school uniform and I couldn't even see the emos covered up face.

I was in fear because I was more than sure that every single one of them were going to say something beyond stupid.

"Let's play the Family Feud!" The audience went wild and the other family started clapping as my socially awkward foster family looked more than confused. Hillary looked questioningly to the microphone in front of her.