My Heaven and Hell ✔︎

Life Changing

*Trigger warning - mentions cutting and subtle suicide thoughts.*

Fallon wakes up with a tear-stained face. The memories of the previous night haunting her thoughts.

"Fallon, mom got in an accident." She remembers her dad stating.

She barely heard the rest of the conversation as she felt her heartbreak. She's gone. My mom is gone. We didn't even get to say goodbye. These thoughts raced through Fallon's head. After hearing this disturbing news, Fallon wanted nothing but to be alone. So, she went to her room. No one dared to bother her. Her dad knew she would come out when she was ready. His mistake was leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Fallon looked at the clock to see she had slept for three hours. She remembers begging her mind to stop thinking last night so she could sleep. After waking up Fallon wants nothing more than to go back to sleep. At least when she's asleep she can't feel. She lays there in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about all the memories of her and her mom.

She thought about when she was twelve and became the princess. How her mom calmed her nerves and helped her through a stressful day. Whenever Fallon needed to talk her mom was always there and willing to be a listening ear.

"How can such a loving soul be gone?' She asked herself not being able to fully grasp the complete 180.

Fallon grabs her phone and starts to look through the pictures of her and her mom, remembering the fond memories attached to each picture. This causes a whole new flood of tears to be released. The part that makes this even more real and sad is imagining the future.

Her kids won't know their grandma. Her mom won't be at her wedding to ease her racing mind and doubts, that there were bound to be. She thinks back to her eighteenth birthday just last week. She remembers how happy everyone was. Once again, she stares at the ceiling and just closes her eyes begging every God, she can think of to numb her.

At least if she were numb, she wouldn't feel the piece of her heart that died with her mom. She knew that this pain would stay fresh for months to come. She envied the people who got to say goodbye to their loved ones. Who didn't get ripped away to earlier when they were still needed. Fallon knew she still needed her mom. But for unknown reasons God wanted her.

She knew she should be happy that her mom's in a better place, but selfishly she wished they had more time together. Once again, she looked at the time and saw it was 3:00 PM. She hasn't eaten in almost a day, but she hasn't the slightest appetite. Once again, she laid down trying to turn her thoughts off, but couldn't to her dismay.

So instead, she laid there. The growing pain in her chest became unbearable until she did the unthinkable. She went into her bathroom and grabbed her razor. She looked down at her untouched wrist and slowly dragged the razor across. She thought that any pain would distract her from her own thoughts.

She was proven wrong when her mom continued to swallow her being. She looked down at her bleeding arm and pushed toilet paper against it. She returns to her bed and eventually the bleeding stops. Once again, she feels tears streaming down her face, her first heartbreak without her mom to soften the pain. Her entire world was shifted from under her.

She was consumed by her thoughts for the rest of the day. She is pulled from her light sleep when there is a knock on her door.