JaPHAN

CHAPTER 5

"Hey Henry."
It was the text Phil sent to Henry the morning after the convention. And he could always count on Henry to reply almost immediately.
"Hey Phil! How are things going with Dan ;)"
"That's the thing...I think today's the day. The day I tell him."
"Omg seriously? That's amazing! Best of luck to you Phil! And if you need help, just shoot me a text!"
Phil smiled to himself. That was exactly the response he needed.
"Hey Phil?" Dan asked, coming into the room while rubbing a towel over his head. He'd just gotten out of the shower. "Any plans for today?"
"I was thinking we could go to the park," Phil said. "The cherry blossoms are in bloom."
"That sounds aesthetically pleasing," Dan noted. "Sure. Lemme just take care of this Hobbit hair."
"No keep it!" Phil laughed. "I like it." Dan looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Alright then," he said, blushing. "Gimme a sec and we'll get going."
*_*_*_*_*_*_*
They could walk to the nearest park, so they did.
"It's like being in an oddly foreign version of London," Dan noted.
"That's basically what it is," replied Phil, trying to hide how nervous it was as they walked into the park. Up on the hill, they could see a traditional looking Japanese building.
"That's beautiful," Dan noted.
"You mean, beauti-Phil?"
Dan giggled.
"Shut up you dork."
"Isn't it amazing how just 6 years ago we were two ordinary British guys?" Phil asked quietly after several moments had passed.
"Well I was," Dan reasoned. "You were well on your way to YouTube stardom."
"Still."
"Actually..." Dan started. "I wasn't anything until I discovered you."
"That's not true," Phil said.
"But it is," Dan replied. "I was just some kid who didn't even know what to do with his life. Then I stalked you, relentlessly..." He grinned at this, causing Phil to blush.
"I noticed you," Phil admitted. "More than I'd like to admit, actually."
"Really?"
Phil nodded. "There was something about you...I saw a bit of myself in you. So then Skype happened...and we met...and the rest-"
"Is history."
"Yeah...that."
They sat down on a bench, facing the lake with a bridge stretched across. They watched the cherry blossom petals fall off the tree, and float down and land softly in the water, the ripples spreading out like fingers, reaching towards the shore.
"The petals just fall," Dan said out loud. "And they float, until they hit the water and aren't the same, they'll never be the same now. And then the ripples, just spreading out from where the petals fell. It's like humans, Phil. We fall until we hit a point where we'll never be the same, ever again. We fall until we're changed by it, forever changed. And then our change affects other things, just like the ripples."
"That's amazing, Dan...that you figured all that out."
"I figure a lot of things out, Phil," Dan told him, glancing down towards Phil's lips for a split second, contemplating, thinking. "Especially recently." Phil nodded, turning back to look at the lake, temporarily breaking the spell.
"I've been thinking a lot too, Dan. Figuring things out."
"What about?"
"About our life," Phil said, turning his head towards Dan. "What we're doing now. Us...this..." He reached out, grabbing Dan's hand. Dan's heart fluttered, flipping over inside his chest. Phil gave his hand a squeeze, but didn't drop it, letting his long fingers swirl patterns onto Dan's skin. It was so spontaneous, so unprecedented. Dan's voice caught in his throat, and he couldn't bring himself to speak.
"Dan," Phil started, letting his hand linger. "I've figured some things out. I've figured out that you're so much more to me than my best friend. I love you Dan."
Dan couldn't speak, he couldn't. This was the moment he'd been waiting for his entire life, and he couldn't get a word out. He looked at Phil, tears welling up in his eyes, suddenly feeling paralyzed by the sudden burst of emotion. Phil looked at him, and what Dan saw was utter disappointment come over Phil's face.
"I...I'm sorry," Phil said suddenly, letting Dan's hand fall and standing up. "That was weird...I think I need to go back to the room."
"I'll come with you!" Dan croaked suddenly. But Phil shook his head.
"No I'd rather be alone...I...I have a head ache."
"Are you sure?!"
"Yeah," Phil said, sounding incredibly sad. "I can make it back on my own." Dan could tell that Phil needed to be by himself, so he slumped back down on the bench.
"Alright. I'll be back soon." Phil nodded slightly, before turning and leaving the park, his shoulders hunched. Dan looked back out over the lake, the tears finally spilling over and trailing down his face. He couldn't believe it, Phil had finally told him those words he had been waiting to hear for 6 whole years, and he blew it. He couldn't even bring himself to speak. He couldn't even squeeze Phil's hand back. He had froze, choked, whatever it be. He had failed. He brought his knees up to his chest on the bench, and cried.
"I'm an idiot!" He yelled, letting the cherry blossom fragrance on the wind carry his words away. He sat for moments more, though it felt like years, and when he checked his phone, an hour had passed. He sighed, sitting up on the bench, afraid to face Phil. But he had to, he had to get back and see if Phil was okay. He walked the streets, his heart falling everytime he saw a cute, Japanese couple, holding hands and looking so in love. Finally, Dan made it back into the hotel and into the room. But the light was off. He turned it on and gasped. Phil's stuff was gone.
"Phil??!" He cried, searching everywhere, tearing open drawers and ducking to look under the bed. But Phil was nowhere to be found. Instead, Dan found a note on the nightstand.
Dan,
I'm going back to London. I'm going to get my things, and move out...I just can't live with someone who can't love me back. I've done it for so long...6 years to be exact. I'm so sorry, Dan...I'm sorry for ruining everything between us. I hope you can forgive me. Goodbye Dan...forever.
I love you. I always will.
~Phil.

A single tear fell onto the note, smearing the ink. Dan screamed.