THE TRAGEDY OF YOUTH, jungwon ✓

11 | after you left

"Jungwon!" my mother exclaimed the moment he stepped into view. "You've grown up so much; you're so handsome, too!"

She glanced at me suggestively as she said it. I scowled at her from behind Jungwon, an evident red flush taking ahold of my ears. I knew that since I could see my reflection in the window across the room, and the warmth was mildly uncomfortable. Jungwon, poor boy, looked as if he didn't know what to say as my mother showered him with praises and endearments and babbled about how much he'd been missed.

I was kind of glad she said all that; at least then, I wouldn't be saying quite as much the moment I had him to myself. I had every intention of cornering him and telling him as calmly as I could manage, what I had been thinking all the time he'd been gone. Except I just didn't quite know when. It had to be before he left in two days.

Two days later was when I'd not have him anymore, and he'd be back in the clutches of his shiny friends and his enthusiastic fans who had no idea I existed. Even the ones who did would never know just what kind of connection we shared, let alone that we shared one at all. Just the way I liked it. Why, when I resented his fame so much? I had no idea at all.

"And, of course, you're here to..." my mother's expression clouded over, and yet again, her eyes shone with the tears of horrible, heartbreaking pain and grief. We are masters at hiding our true feelings, my mother and I, but this kind of pain can only be masked for so long.

"I just thought you might need some company for a day or two," Jungwon said almost nervously. "And, well, um, I did want to reconnect with Yoora and all...so..."

"Thank you, dear," my mother smiled again, but this time, it looked like the same tired smile she always gave me, or at least the one I saw since the accident. "It's appreciated."

"So, Jungwon," I interjected, "let's get you settled in while she gets a little rest? She gets tired so easily these days. Will you join us for dinner, Mom?"

"You two enjoy yourselves," she waved me off. "I'll just...get some more sleep..."

Our eyes met. She knew and I knew that this wasn't the healthiest way to deal with her pain and grief, same as how just drowning myself in work and distractions without ever trying to face my feelings and work it out wasn't exactly the best way, either. But I had no strength to deny her of her sleep. I always wondered: did she see Dad in her dreams? Is that why she sleeps, so that she can be with him in at least one way?

Jungwon studied us both with a slight frown, and I avoided his gaze as I led him to his room. "You want to get changed?" I asked him as he placed his duffel bag on the bed.

He shook his head. "Later. I kind of want to take you out tonight." I raised an eyebrow at him, feeling my ears warm up again, and his eyes widened. "Oh, no! I didn't mean it like that, I just meant...we should talk, I guess, out of earshot of your mom."

"So where does a famous rookie idol take his ex-best friend?" I asked, seating myself on the bed and crossing my legs underneath me. He copied my position as if on reflex, as if sitting the way we sat together when we were younger. His expression looked sad.

"I—I don't know," now he was the one refusing to meet my gaze as he talked. "Maybe we could go to the skating park again?"

"It's crowded with kids at this time of night despite it being winter. It hasn't snowed in a while, not since the last storm when..." I cleared my throat. "Yeah. So. Anyone could potentially recognize you."

"I get recognized by EN—by my fans a lot," he mumbled, as if embarrassed. "It's not usually a problem. We're not allowed to take pictures or anything so it's just a little hello or signing their arms or whatever."

"That's cute," I deadpanned, wincing internally at my harsh tone, "but how will it look if you're recognized while you're out with a girl in a part of the city where your dorms aren't even close to?"

He sighed. "Yeah, true. Maybe just a small café around here. It's usually just adults this time of night, isn't it?"

"I was going to cook a little something at home," I admitted, tapping my fingers in an almost restless way against my thighs. "Just tteokbokki, actually. I don't really know...I mean, I'm not exactly familiar with your tastes anymore."

"Tteokbokki sounds great," Jungwon smiled. "You can cook now?"

"You remember that," I had to smile, too. "Comes with having to work harder than I'd like to. I babysit a lot and I practiced for them. Their moms say that my food is definitely not going to give their kids food poisoning."

He tilted his head to the side a little. "You babysit? I distinctly remember—"

"—that I used to have almost zero patience with kids?" I interrupted. "Yeah, let's just consider that my bad days. I like kids. Plus, someone's got to help with the income here with my mom as sick as she is...and now my dad..." I exhaled. "It's...necessary."

"How sick is your mom, even?" he asked me. I didn't want to, but I explained the entire thing to him, telling him all about her dismal medical history since he left. I didn't mean to say that 'she's been getting worse ever since a year or so after you left...' but he didn't seem to take offence. In fact, he just skipped right over it and continued to listen with a sympathetic expression on his face.

"I see," he said at last. "Well, I'm not going to be gone anymore, so if there's anything you guys ever need, just tell me, okay?"

"You don't have to—"

"I want to," he insisted firmly. "Yoora, we both agree that I've been kind of a real jerk. Let me try to make it up to you in the ways I know how to. Can I just say this? Yoora, I've been a huge, selfish, idiotic—"

"Stop," I held up a hand. Took in a deep breath. "Do this when we've both talked it all out. We both need to talk about a lot of things...including what you were about to say. As for right now, can we just go ahead and catch up a little on how things have been?" What I didn't say was that I was kind of proud of him for admitting his faults. The real question was, though, could I do the same myself?

He didn't look convinced, but considering that I must have looked like I was about to fall apart, he didn't argue. He just nodded and said, "okay. Show me your tteokbokki, then, Yoora. Let's see how good you can cook."

I stood up. "You'd be surprised."