Vienna

chapter one

My family used to be as close as can be. The house was never quiet, us kids were always causing some sort of trouble.

We were a very traditional family. My dad was a businessman, my mom stayed home to take care of the kids, and my siblings and I were always either fighting or laughing. 

Four years later, I'm still not used to the quiet. Sure, my brother was loud and annoying enough to make up for it, but ever since he left for college the silence has been deafening.

My father decided the further he traveled for work, the less the silence would hurt him. I guess he didn't realize that meant his daughter would have to shoulder it alone. 

After awhile, that silence became a part of me. It was weird watching myself go from the loud, outgoing person I was to this quiet, anxious girl I am now. For awhile it felt as though I was trapped in my own mind, I'd like to think I found another way to cope but I still find myself receding back into that shell from time to time. 

I don't really let anything that has happened in my life affect how I act, though. My friends bring out an entire different side of me, and I'm grateful for that escape they provide.

The sound of loud laughing brings me back to the present and I scan the room for the source of the noise.

"I swear she was flirting with me! She was all 'Wow, Noah, you did so great on your test. You're so smart and hot!'"

We shoot our friend a pointed look and he gives us a guilty look, "Okay, maybe I exaggerated on the last part. But I swear Ms. Tucker wants this. She wants this bad," Noah grins.

I was sitting on the sofa in my friend Logan's basement, surrounded by my entire friend group.

The eight of us have been friends since freshman year. Most important were Daisy and Hannah, my best friends and partners and crime.

I'd been friends with Daisy my entire life, and she introduced me to most of the people in the group. Daisy had long, beautiful strawberry blonde hair paired with the cutest freckles. I'm not surprised she's such a hit with the male population, she's drop dead gorgeous.

"The only thing Ms. Tucker wants is for you to stop drooling in her class. The amount of times I look over and you're asleep is honestly concerning," Our other friend, Lucas, retorts. 

I chuckle and nudge Noah, who is sitting beside me. "He's right, you're always sleeping in calc too. Not that I can complain though, it's the perfect opportunity to practice my mustache drawing abilities," I smirk.

Noah narrows his eyes at me and plasters a deadly serious look on his face. "I'll get you back one day, V. When you're expecting it least. You won't know when, you won't know where, but I will exact the perfect revenge."

I quirk a brow at him in amusement.

"Sometimes you have to play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you," he finishes with an evil glint in his eye.

The room bursts into laughter. "Did you just quote the joker?" Lucas asks through his laughs.

"Darn it, I thought I came up with that on my own," Noah states dejectedly.

Daisy and I share a look of amusement and shake our heads in mock disappointment, trying not to laugh at our friend's antics. 

"Hey, where's Nate?" Logan asks as he walks into the room with a few cans of beer in hand.

I can't help but roll my eyes at the mention of his name. You'd think someone who shares as many mutual friends as we do would at least be civil to me, but nope. We've all been hanging out since freshman year, but the only times he acknowledges my existence is in the form of harsh glares.

The worst part of it all is I harbored a tiny little crush on him when I started hanging out with his friends. That crush quickly went away when I realized he was a total douchebag with his head up his ass. Plus, the things I've heard the boys talk about regarding girls turned me off immediately.

Personally, I have no problem with him not being here. In fact, I hardly recognize his presence when he is here. He's so quiet and mainly talks to the guys.

"Who knows?" Lucas retorts a bit harshly.

Logan shrugs it off and goes to hand us all a can of beer. I pop the tab open and quietly sip mine, occasionally laughing when Noah says whatever random things pop into his head.

"Who do you think is stronger? The Hulk or Thor?" Noah muses.

"Definitely Thor," Lucas replies.

Noah grasps at his heart and gives Lucas an incredulous look. "How could you say that? Hulk is obviously stronger than Thor. It's like I don't even know who you are," Noah says dramatically.

"Nah dude, are you stupid? Thor is obviously stronger than the Hulk, he's literally a god," Lucas says as though it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"The Hulk's muscles are literally bigger than Thor's entire body-"

I drown out the rest of their conversation, getting lost in my head again. I can't help but feel like a bystander sometimes. Like I know these are my friends and I belong here, but at times I feel as though I'm simply watching them. Sometimes I even feel like I'm watching myself interact with them. It's like my mouth is on autopilot and speaks for me, but my mind is thinking of something completely different.

This was one of the problems my therapist wanted to work on before I stopped going. I used to disconnect from my identity so much, it felt like I was living in my mind more than the real world. 

Thankfully time heals, but I'm scared that I'll never be the same girl I used to be. I guess that's life, though.

We hang out in Logan's basement for a couple more hours before we decide it's getting late. I catch a ride home with Daisy where she chats my ear off about whatever gossip is currently going around school.

Somehow she knows everything that happens at our school, I don't know how she does it. I'm thankful for it though, I get the sparknotes without having to actually talk to anyone.

I trudge up to my room and notice my dad still isn't home. Surprise, surprise. Luckily for me, that means I can blast my music as loud as I want.

I walked over to the record player in the corner of my room, putting The Man Who Sold the World on and quietly humming along to it.

I plop myself onto the towel laid across my bedroom floor, which protects all my paint supplies from ruining the floor. My humming turns into embarrassingly loud singing as I finish up a painting of a girl with her hair flowing in the wind, surrounded by swirls and lines of purple and black.

"OH NO, NOT ME! We never lost control. You're face to face with THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD!" I belt out and shook my shoulders a bit.

I like to pretend I'm a super famous singer and all the stuffed animals on my bed are actually my adoring fans. They love it. They're at a loss for words the entire time I'm singing. Like seriously, never a peep. I love the control I have over them.

When I finally finish my painting, After All is playing and it's well past eleven. 

Sighing at the fact I have school in the morning, I decide to take a quick shower to wash off any paint I got on me. After that I brush my teeth and hop into bed, hoping for a peaceful night of sleep.